Wednesday, April 18, 2012

The Mommy Wars

I kinda want to share something that's on my heart.

I posted a funny, light hearted post about Lincoln yesterday that I think was taken out of context. All the sudden I am a crazy mother who loves my boy more than my girls, and who is too attached to my children.

I'm not going to do any of that nonsense justice by posting the comments or the link to the forums where there was a thread started to basically run my blogand myself through the mud. I'm going to swallow my pride (and my comebacks) and just say this - 
it was hurtful. 

LikeI shared a week ago, I'm just a fellow mom trying to keep my head above water just like everyone else.

You spoil your babies, and I'll spoil mine, ok? I love each one differently, and I have special bonds with each child. And if you've been reading this blog for even a week, you know I love all my kids the same. There are no true "favorites".

Sarcasm. I have it. And I use it.

I have grown weary of all the judging, competition, and gossip that can come along with a group of ladies. I feel like this year I have seen a lot of people lash out at each other in ways I've never seen - like on Social Networking sites. Please, don't try to prove something by putting it on the Internet. That is just so petty, not to mention hurtful.

I can no longer stomach the whole, "who's the best mom, who has more money, nicer things, bigger homes, more kids, more time, less stress, more patience, a better figure..." Oh, the list could go on, right?

The mommy wars. They're exhausting.

Second guessing myself is unfortunately something that comes very natural to me - especially when making decisions about these little loves that God has entrusted to us. So for example, when I have to drag a crying child out of the store because we aren't buying an icee, I don't need the mommy mafia standing there questioning or judging if or how I discipline my children. I already question myself, my patience, and my parenting when I get to the car.

My kiddos and I can be a hot mess, just like everyone else...

(Sorry, that pic is a MUST post, wouldn't you say??)

Let's go easy on each other and remember that every child & every situation is different. Not to mention it's really not anyone's business.


I am who I am, dealing with what I've been given, trying to be the mom God wants me to be, making decisions that we feel are best for our family. And I'm cracking jokes along the way. A lady has to survive somehow, right?

So if I want to joke about how my future daughter-in-law will have special vows written by yours truly, then I will joke about that :).

He's my baby, and my only boy. I may never cut the cord. Deal with it, folks.

Now don't get me wrong. I have been that person who said something they shouldn't have, I have done it, I have been there, and I have said that. Everyone has.

But I'm just tired of moms picking on each other, and I wanted to voice that.

So why don't all of us moms and women uplift each other, include each other, and spend more time on our own lives instead of judging others? Let's try to stop the petty competition, and start asking ourselves about our own motives. Is that to much to ask?

There is nothing like a good girls day/night out filled with laughter and encouragement, you know, when you walk away feeling good and refreshed.

We need more of those times, don't we?


April said...

I applaud you for working hard to brush off the comments made. I hate the games that people play and I will NEVER be good enough for everyone out there and I have to remind myself of this every day. You can't please everyone. As long as you are pleasing God then nothing else matters. God's blessing to you and your kids! They are precious.

Burkholder said...

You've probably seen this already, but it's worth a second read:
Reminds me of the struggles you are facing, the struggles we all face!

Savvy Little Women - Kate said...

Oh that is a great read! Thanks for passing it along :).

Katie said...

So sorry that happened to you! Just from reading your blog I can tell you're a wonderful Mom, so don't you worry about people who have nothing better to do with their time. Besides haters gonna hate! :)

victoria said...

It shocks me how judgemental people will be when reading something online written by someone they do not actually know!!

Emily said...

I'm so sorry that your blog post was taken out of context. I thought that it was very sweet and funny.
You seem like an amazing mom. You are honest and real. I love that you share about the good times and the hard times. For those of us that aren't mom's yet (like me!) you paint a picture of what motherhood actually is like. I'm so thankful for people like you who don't sugar coat it but share their struggles. You might not be perfect but you are perfect for your kids - God knew what they needed - they needed you - just the way you are.

Stacie@HobbitDoor said...

Aw, Honey! I am so sorry that people have been so mean and hurtful. Those of us who read this blog on a regular basis AND know you in real life, know how you truly feel about your kiddos. Not to mention your struggle to not go over the top with each and every birthday. Ralph and I love you all.

Stacie@HobbitDoor said...

Aw, Honey! I am so sorry that people have been so mean and hurtful. Those of us who read this blog on a regular basis AND know you in real life, know how you truly feel about your kiddos. Not to mention your struggle to not go over the top with each and every birthday. Ralph and I love you all.

jenny said...

Well said, my friend! You already know how I feel about this and you shouldn't even have to be put in a position of defending your've clearly blogged about how much you love all your kiddos! Unfortunately there are people out there who look for one thing to pull someone else down. Love you and appreciate your honesty in this post!

Victoria said...

oh for pete's sake, those women are being absolutely ridiculous! i loved you post yesterday because i could tell it was all in fun.

hooray for taking it all in stride and being a sarcastic and loving,doting mommy!!

i love reading you blog and hearing you share about ALL your sweet little kiddos :)

The Family Fun Mom said...

Girl, you just need to forget about the crazy's and all the stuff they spout. It's clear that they have too much time on their hands and need a hobby that doesn't include bashing others. You are a GREAT mom to all your kids and anyone who has spent 5 minutes with any of them know that. You just keep being your sarcastic blogging self for all of us who get it and love it, and ignore the rest! {Hugs and Love}

Mama D’s Dozen said...

Oh my!

So sad!

I am soooo... sorry that you have been publicly attacked ... as I was just a few short weeks ago.

If someone doesn't like how we live our lives or how we parent our children (or, in my case, how we spend our money) ... than why are they reading our blogs.

The woman that likes to attack me on my blog, happens to live in my town, so she stalks me and then posts about my daily life in her comments on MY blog (shocked that I go to an "expensive" salon to get my hair done ... can't believe I have acrylic nails ... is shocked that I have an iPhone ... etc ...) Seriously? Get a life and stop stalking me!!!

You are an AWESOME mommy! You CLEARLY love each and every one of your little darlings. You are PASSIONATE about motherhood. You like to have FUN (with your kids and in your writing). But ... you aren't perfect? Oh dear.

Keep writing.
Keep sharing your heart.
Keep having fun.
Keep loving your kids.

And ... when those thoughts of, "Why am I even blogging?" come to mind, know they are NOT from the LORD. You are a POWERFUL witness for HIM, by sharing your life and the life of your family.

Big HUGS to you today!!!

Laurel :)

Sarah Halstead said...

Well said. I don't know how anyone can say something bad about you. Mommy wars have gotten bad. Thank you for sharing your heart.

Marinewife1111 {Marcella} said...

Sorry you had to take it down because of all that. :(

Ruth said...

Amen and amen and amen, SISTER! Thank you for your heart. You are an AWESOME mom to ALL of your kids, and THEY KNOW IT!

"Too attached" to your children... Say WHAT??? God will reward this life you've spent being "too attached" to your kids. Loving them to pieces. Pieces of yourself broken up and spilled out for them. Unconditional, messy, sacrificial love... like Jesus.

Rock on, Mama!

Jeni said...

Sorry about that, Kate. You enjoy your boy and don't worry about what people think or say. I have boys and girls,and like you, love both the same, but there are differences in relationships. Boys sure do love their Mommy's and there is something sweet in that bond.

Hoping Lincoln's birthday celebrations have been wonderful.

Marisa said...

It's too bad that there are grown women out there who are too immature to acknowledge a tongue-in-cheek post. As one other commenter said they must have too much free time.

Those of us who know you knew you were just having fun and don't worry about those who wanted to make an issue out of it.

We love you, and your sweet family!

Christina Chantal said...

Hi Kate,

Although I don't comment here,I do read your blog whenever you post. But I wanted to thank you for this. I write an (equally honest) blog about recovery from bulimia, and I have definitely had haters out there who would rather NOT hear about the ins and outs of an eating disorder. Mean comments make me want to quit writing, and although you don't seem to be the type to "quit" writing because of this, I truly hope you let it roll off your back. I don't have any kids (yet) and yet I can still connect with the words you write, still appreciate that life is hard sometimes, still get a giggle out of your stories. You are a shining light and even from way up here in British Columbia I can see it burning for God and your babies. Keep it up.

Jennifer said...

Kate, I am reading Priscilla Shirers "The Resolution for Women" (which goes with the movie Courageous) and the chapter I just read talked about how we as women take such a great amount of stock in a compliment from another woman! You are right, we should be edifying each other and encouraging one another. So let me tell you from one mom to another, you do a great job with your littles. They are precious and it is VERY clear how much you love each one of your kids! I love your blog....keep going lady!

cowartclan said...

I love your blog, twin ideas, lots of kiddos ideas, honesty, godly insights AND sarcasm. And seriously ENJOY those precious kids, spoil them on their birthday, YOU are their MOM. It's your right, privledge and job! I like OVER the top for parties!! ;)

Thoughts for the day said...

YES you are right on.
I read your blog yesterday and wanted to tell you it was funny, as a mom of a son, I loved it. You are an incredible mom and a wonderful writer and don't ever let anyone put you down and tell you bad things. (It is all about them not you). I tell you in the working world when this old gal was working full time, put me in a room of men anytime before a room of women. The men are so much more 'thoughtful' and considerate most of the time.
You are an awesome mom and I really thought the post was funny, not bad in any way. Please don't get discouraged. God is using you in ways that you have no idea, keep hanging in there and keep sharing your heart. If others are bothered by it, that is their problem not yours.

Nicole said...

My goodness! I'm a little shocked, but guess I shouldn't be.
As a mom of 2 boys and only 2 boys, I LOVED yesterday's post and found it very humorous.
One of the things I'm teaching my boys is, "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." Pretty basic, but it applies to grown ups as well.

Lauren said...

I feel sad that was the response you received for that post. When I read it, I laughed and then started crying thinking about MY little man, who will be 13 months on 4.22, and how someday he'll find the person he can't live without and marry them. It was so bittersweet, and I really do feel that humor is the proper response to those thoughts. :) And I could relate to everything you wrote! (Except about shopping, I'm not a very savvy shopper.)
I feel so sad that other moms would be so negative. We live in a culture where, I think, really good female relationships are not taught or nurtured. Let's give more hugs, hold hands more, help each other with our children more. This is not a contest, and we need each other.
I always appreciate your insight, laughs, and beautiful photos. Have a beautiful Thursday! said...

Love your blog, love your attitude. :) I have THREE boys and I could SO relate to your post yesterday. Remember that those who take others joy, usually have no just themselves.....and that is sad too. :( Hang in there~

Tracy said...

Well, I think you're awesome and your family is awesome, and your blog is awesome. And we are ALL impeperfect mothers who need Jesus and need each other. The nasty judgmental comments stem from their own insecurity. Shame on them.

Savvy Little Women - Kate said...

Seriously, thank you SO much for all your encouragement! I could hug all of ya :). So thankful for sweet mama's out there that are walking a similar path.

Abbey Robertson said...

I could not have said it better than myself. When my babes throw a fit in the store and everyone is looking at me, I think to myself, they are looking at me because they want to help but they just don't know what is appropriate!
Of course you all dote on your son, he's the only boy... he's different and the baby! Now, I will say, I do feel sorry for his future wife. With all the attention and spoiling, she's going to have her hands full (that was a joke, not a stab!!).
You stories are hilarious and you guys are doing great! Keep up the hard work!

Tammy M said...

PREACH it Kate!!! I thought your blog was PERFECT & actually made me tear up a bit!! This Mom thing shouldn't be a competition, it should be a journey that all us moms take w/with "i've got your back not I'm gonna kick ya when your down... for heaven's sake.. Show the love!! and another are an awesome Mom (to all your littles) & a child of nothing else matters!!

Clever blonde said...

Yes Kate your blog is perfect. Plz keep on keeping on and take no notice of the negtive people we all know are out there. Thankfully there are more positive people about and loads more who love you. I've been praying for the one with well disciplined 13 mth old twins to be blessed with as many beautiful kiddos as you, she'll be able to do such a great job.
ps. I miss hearing about your Target escapades with the kiddos. You are so funny, so loved the story about the balls...

The Beaver Bunch said...

Just getting around to this post and 1st thing I want to say is "booty crack." Hilarious.

And now I may really freak you out but I'll just say, I love you friend.

I know we've never REALLY met (soon, I hope!) and that even if we do meet we may not ever see each other again until heaven.

But I GET you and you GET me and we love this Lord of ours so much we desperately desire to show our children a glimpse of Him. And that's why I love you. Like for real love you not just that fun internet love.

Glad this drama mess is over (or at least I hope it is) because if not, I might cut someone for talking trash about people I love. :) Ahem.