Saturday, January 17, 2015

Worth It

I had planned on posting an update after court on Wednesday, especially after some of your sweet encouragement on Facebook... which by the way, can we all just move to one neighborhood and live life together, drink coffee, laugh the cares away, and live happily ever after?

No? It was worth a try. (But I still think we should.)

But I was so tired and emotionally drained that it was just better for everyone involved for me to take my tired self off the internet and to my bed. I guess it went exactly like I thought and nothing like I had planned. It was an annual review for M and Z, we were told that the recommendation was for them to remain where they were, here. But what we got was the complete opposite and they granted custody of just her to a random relative who has only seen her maybe 5 times.

She was moved on Thursday. They take them as quickly as they drop them off.

Her eyes. She looks just like M.

This distant relative has decided to come forward a year and a half into our case. I'm trying to make peace with it, I know this is foster care, I have loved on the bio parents like crazy, we've seen it all. But it can often feel unfair and like there is no justice for these kids.

This is foster care. This is the system. The county knows and has said this isn't what's best but they do it anyway. This is why we need more of Him right in the middle of it all. Broken, hard, and draining. But all that really matters? The children. They are the victims. They need us. They need you.

Sometimes you just have to remember that defeat can lead to victory. It doesn't feel that way at the time, but He always restores. We only see the very small picture, He sees the big picture with all the details that have to come together to get you exactly where you need to be. We often feel blindsided by things like this, but the Lord never wastes a moment of what He has ordained. He works all things together for the good of those that love Him.

We are obviously sad. The last few days have not been my best. She was very loved here and it feels like they have taken a piece of M - which I think has made it hurt more than I imagined it would. Being his full sibling, this makes my mind worry over possibility of him leaving. He is remaining with us "for now" (and we believe always will) due to his medical needs, and just because we fully believe that He placed him here almost 18 months ago for forever. Plain and simple. No questions. Just trusting.

Foster care continues to teach us about loving regardless of the outcome, and giving away my heart even though we always know that the end could sting. It is a constant reminder to me that Jesus didn't say to love only when it's easy or when you won't get your heart broken, He just told us to love.

Do I hate this part? Yes. Would we and will we do it all over again? In a second.

Painful, but she was worth it. They all are.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for hanging around for my ramblings. I so appreciate the support and encouragement that you've shown us!

Monday, January 12, 2015

He Is One

How on earth is this child a year old?? 

I can't even.

Time flies when you're having fun. It also flies when your life is a tad crazy :).
(And yes, I backdated this post to his actual birthday date. Because I'm insane like that. You knew this.)

We threw a party similar to the one we had for Lincoln when he turned one. The "One Fish, Two Fish" Dr Suess theme still stands as my absolute favorite. It is so colorful, and fun, and the kids always love it!

Brooks is my sweet, huggable, squeezable, giggly little guy. He is always reaching for me or right on my hip. He is our earliest walker and our earliest riser. He has been a breath of fresh air from his very first moment. He was and is without a doubt, my favorite surprise.

His little teeth. And the manly polo. And his squishy cheeks. Child, I will give you anything. Always.

I may have gone a tad overboard with the party as I've been known to do in the past. I can't help it, I LOVE birthdays! One of my best friends made those amazing cupcakes above, and we filled the place with candy and as much Dr. Suess as we could handle.

And we may have given away pets for party favors. Don't even get me started on how much I loved these blue mason jars and the 12 cent goldfish that lived in them. You guys, I couldn't even act apologetic to the parents that had to take them home because they were SO FUN...

Thank you Target for coming through for me with those jars. And the fish bowls. And the gumballs. And the new sweater that had nothing to do with the party but I NEEDED.

It was just a good day all the way around. Friends, family, celebrating. What tops that!?

Happy Birthday, my sweet Brooks Boy. I still can't believe you are 1! You are a gift that I never knew I'd need. Snuggly peace amidst the chaos, grace on the hard days, and a constant joy in our home and in my heart.

Love you, baby!