Saturday, January 17, 2015

Worth It

I had planned on posting an update after court on Wednesday, especially after some of your sweet encouragement on Facebook... which by the way, can we all just move to one neighborhood and live life together, drink coffee, laugh the cares away, and live happily ever after?

No? It was worth a try. (But I still think we should.)

But I was so tired and emotionally drained that it was just better for everyone involved for me to take my tired self off the internet and to my bed. I guess it went exactly like I thought and nothing like I had planned. It was an annual review for M and Z, we were told that the recommendation was for them to remain where they were, here. But what we got was the complete opposite and they granted custody of just her to a random relative who has only seen her maybe 5 times.

She was moved on Thursday. They take them as quickly as they drop them off.

Her eyes. She looks just like M.

This distant relative has decided to come forward a year and a half into our case. I'm trying to make peace with it, I know this is foster care, I have loved on the bio parents like crazy, we've seen it all. But it can often feel unfair and like there is no justice for these kids.

This is foster care. This is the system. The county knows and has said this isn't what's best but they do it anyway. This is why we need more of Him right in the middle of it all. Broken, hard, and draining. But all that really matters? The children. They are the victims. They need us. They need you.

Sometimes you just have to remember that defeat can lead to victory. It doesn't feel that way at the time, but He always restores. We only see the very small picture, He sees the big picture with all the details that have to come together to get you exactly where you need to be. We often feel blindsided by things like this, but the Lord never wastes a moment of what He has ordained. He works all things together for the good of those that love Him.

We are obviously sad. The last few days have not been my best. She was very loved here and it feels like they have taken a piece of M - which I think has made it hurt more than I imagined it would. Being his full sibling, this makes my mind worry over possibility of him leaving. He is remaining with us "for now" (and we believe always will) due to his medical needs, and just because we fully believe that He placed him here almost 18 months ago for forever. Plain and simple. No questions. Just trusting.

Foster care continues to teach us about loving regardless of the outcome, and giving away my heart even though we always know that the end could sting. It is a constant reminder to me that Jesus didn't say to love only when it's easy or when you won't get your heart broken, He just told us to love.

Do I hate this part? Yes. Would we and will we do it all over again? In a second.

Painful, but she was worth it. They all are.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for hanging around for my ramblings. I so appreciate the support and encouragement that you've shown us!


Thoughts for the day said...

I am so sad for you and for her, and I pray they watch her closely. It is so unfair. The light at the tunnel might be she could come back some day and let the siblings be who they are, brother and sister. It is a crazy unfair system.
I hurt for all of you.

G said...

Praying for you and baby Z! Thanks for posting <3

Jackie said...

Oh Kate. My heart grieves along with yours - praying that you have peace even in the midst of not understanding. I know you love these precious little ones so fully while they are with you, and you are God's heart to them. Much love to you, my friend.