Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Here's To Him

Here's to a new year with new mercies, and grace, and redemption.

Here is to understanding His plan, and accepting it when we don't.

Here is to loving these 2 fearlessly without worrying about the future...


Yea, if only not worrying was that easy. Loving them is (usually) easy, my friends. Dealing with their past and an unknown future is the hard part.

I have sat down a few times to tell you about life here, only to stare at the screen begging the words to type themselves. Because truthfully, I'm having trouble even sorting through it myself. The short answer is this: It's a day to day thing. They are dealing with a ton and it's been hard on everyone. We placed 2 girls in the middle of our brood with a lot of issues to deal with and that is never going to be easy. I have to remind myself that they didn't ask for this and that we need to shove past the hard moments and love them with all we have. They deserve a relentless love that never leaves, and that's why we are holding on tight.

As much as I want to paint this beautiful picture for you, I can't. Because when you come here you are going to get real life, and at the moment, it's not always pretty. We are (of course) in a unique foster situation. Our court date that would bring some kind of judgement isn't till October. As in, almost a year from now. A YEAR. A year of breaking down walls, and making this their home, and bringing beauty out of the darkness. A year of healing that could lead to a court date of pain.

Everyone deals with things differently, and maybe you'd have tougher skin, but right now I don't. Right now I feel like I'm carrying a weight on my shoulders that weighs a million pounds.

I know that today they are not ours completely. And I know that they can leave as quickly as they came. But the fear of pushing through the road ahead only to have them taken next October nearly takes my breath away. Seriously.

And I know, you don't have to tell me, this is what foster care looks like. But that fact doesn't make it easy.

There are giggles and smiles and hugs. And there are hard behaviors and attachment issues and problems that are way bigger than my mothering skills.

But He is here. And they are worth it.

In some moments, the only joy you have is knowing that you are exactly where He wants you. And we are, exactly where He's been leading us this past year. So there is joy.


They are absolutely beautiful, friends. They are the pick-up-and-squeeze-them-tight kind of cute.

I wish I could show you all the pictures I've taken. I wish I could sit and spill all the details as I cry with you over coffee. I wish these girls could have had a sheltered upbringing like mine. I wish their eyes could have been shielded and I wish I could remove every memory that is haunting them.

But I can't. That is His job, He will bring healing here. He is the only one that can restore what was broken. I'm just the middle man.

This is where we are. We are all still adjusting to our new bundles of joy. We still have one foot in the honeymoon stage and we are still learning about our new normal. If you can call it normal :). We are thankful that out of hundreds of homes in our county, He chose us for these specific gifts.

So Here's to Him. To wholly focusing on Him and His plans for this life that we live inside these 4 walls.

Grace, grace, grace. It's all grace.

16 comments:

Angela Moore said...

Those girls are so blessed to be in your home. May God bless you as you continue to do His work.

Tina Michelle said...

*hugs*

Jennifer said...

You are right on! Your words are raw and honest, straight from the heart and you are right on. God has you and those two precious girls right were ya'll need to be. Relying on Him and His strength alone. Be reminded that you are being lifted up in prayer!

Genevieve Thul said...

We have been in and out (on detours) of the Fost/Adopt process and are starting to wonder about diving back in. Your posts make me itch!!

Savvy Little Women - Kate said...

Thank you for all your sweet words! Blessed by them today. And Genevieve, sorry for giving you the itch, but also thankful you have it as well :)!

Anonymous said...

Just love them! Thats all they need. I am sure no one said it was going to be easy and that it isn't but as long as you love them they will grow and grow and trust in you and your family. Hopefully if they get to stay they will not remember their horrible past. God bless you and your family for doing what your doing!

Marva said...

May God continue to bless your journey. Hugs!

We Are Family said...

Beautiful!

The Sneaky Mommy said...

Oh my, so tough! Praying your heart will continuously be filled with love and grace for these girls! You are definitely living out the Gospel with these girls as well as exemplifying it beautifully for your own children! October seems so far away--no matter the outcome then, I know the love and family you are giving them now will make an impact forever! Wish we were close enough to run over some treats and mug of coffee! LOTS of prayers as you love those little pink hooded girls!

Savvy Little Women - Kate said...

Thank you so, so much! Love you ladies so much for your sweet words :).

Robin Kramer @ Pink Dryer Lint said...

May you be bolstered with peace and strength!!

The Beaver Bunch said...

Love those babies, my friend. Just like you are. Broken, bruised, tired, worn, totally, completely and with every ounce of yourself you can pour over them.

Simply love them.

Mama Ds Dozen said...

Oh how I wish . . .

"I wish I could sit and spill all the details as I cry with you over coffee."

Keep asking God for HIS strength . . . every minute of every day. HE is with you. HE has called you. HE will walk you through each day of the coming year.

You are BLESSED . . . and you are a BLESSING!

Keep up the good work. Keep sharing with us. Keep being real here.

Love, Hugs, & Prayers headed your way.

Laurel :)

Savvy Little Women - Kate said...

Thank you so, so much for your encouragement and love!

Esther Castaneda said...

Would you like to follow/subscribe to my blog? It's about my life as a mother to a large family (nine kids!). It's fairly new but i'm going to be posting about my life, how I run my home, helpful tips for mothers, and more. That would be greatly appreciated, as i'm trying to make it more popular. Thanks! I'll be sure to follow your blog, as well. The blog URL is www.thecastanedaclan.blogspot.com

Stacie@HobbitDoor said...

Seeing Isaiah 58:6-12 in your home and praying the verses over your home. His grace and glory are shining through your weaknesses. Praying that your emotional reserves would be filled. Praying for wisdom as you face your many unexpected moments. Love and hugs to you and Eric.