Welcome to the land of no sleep. Population: Us.
My patience seems to have gone out the window, my friends. Along with my sanity. And my non-yelling voice. And my ability to not bury my stress and feelings in a bag of jelly beans.
I shouldn't be short with the kiddos. After all, it's not their fault I'm tired.
(Well, technically it kinda is, but I don't want to point fingers.)
We had a great Valentines Day, made upwards of 75 cards, and baked some goodies...
We've had enough red food dye to last us till July.
My tiredness has led me to the end of my rope where I tend to stand and yell things about deserving time to myself and such. When the reality is, even though a few minutes of peace would be nice, deserve is not a term I should use (even though this world tells us we deserve anything we desire). Everything inside these walls that makes up my job is grace.
Deserve is a strong and demanding word that we use, even after we've received SO much.
His many blessings are enough, motherhood is enough, new mornings are enough, those sweet kisses are enough, He is enough, and I need to be constantly letting Him be my refuge - my "timeout" to refuel.
His strength is the only thing that can pull you through on these crappy mom days.
I've been a crappy mom today. There, I said it.
This little family is grace in my life. Giving unconditional love. And filling the roles of the most understanding human beings I've ever known - no one would put up with me like they do.
Laundry, folding, sweeping crumbs, wiping noses, cleaning up the flu bug, giving baths, changing sheets, rocking babies, and making meals. Repeat. And then repeat again till you feel like you might collapse.
It's all grace. Redundant at times, but always grace. I'm trying to remember that.
I like to think I'm not losing myself in this calling as much as I am finding myself in this calling.
So I thought I'd post a prayer/poem that my mom gave me, she kept it close while we were growing up. I'm sure some of you have read it before. I like to look over it when I'm on a "mean mom" stretch. It's a good one...
A Prayer For Cross Mothers
Oh God, I was so cross to the children today. Forgive me. I was discouraged and tired - and I took it out on them. Forgive my bad temper, my impatience, and most of all, my yelling. I am so ashamed as I think of it.
I want to kneel down by each of their beds, wake them and ask them to forgive me, but I can't.
They wouldn't understand. I must go on living with the memory of this awful day, and my unjust tirades.
Hours later I can still see the fear in their eyes as they scurried around trying to appease me, thinking my anger and raving was their fault.
Oh, God, the helplessness of children. Their innocence before the awful monster - the enraged adult.
And how forgiving they are, hugging me so fervently at bedtime, kissing me goodnight.
All I can do is straighten a cover, touch a small head burrowed into a pillow, and hope with all my heart that they will forgive me.
Lord, in failing these little ones that you have put in my keeping, I am failing You. Please let your infinite patience and goodness replenish me for tomorrow." -Majorie Holmes
Hoping someone else out there needed to read that as much as I did :).