Wednesday, February 15, 2012

A Cross (But Loving) Mother

Welcome to the land of no sleep. Population: Us.

My patience seems to have gone out the window, my friends. Along with my sanity. And my non-yelling voice. And my ability to not bury my stress and feelings in a bag of jelly beans.

I shouldn't be short with the kiddos. After all, it's not their fault I'm tired.

(Well, technically it kinda is, but I don't want to point fingers.)

We had a great Valentines Day, made upwards of 75 cards, and baked some goodies...

We've had enough red food dye to last us till July.

My tiredness has led me to the end of my rope where I tend to stand and yell things about deserving time to myself and such. When the reality is, even though a few minutes of peace would be nice, deserve is not a term I should use (even though this world tells us we deserve anything we desire). Everything inside these walls that makes up my job is grace.

Deserve is a strong and demanding word that we use, even after we've received SO much.

His many blessings are enough, motherhood is enough, new mornings are enough, those sweet kisses are enough, He is enough, and I need to be constantly letting Him be my refuge - my "timeout" to refuel.

His strength is the only thing that can pull you through on these crappy mom days.

I've been a crappy mom today. There, I said it.

This little family is grace in my life. Giving unconditional love. And filling the roles of the most understanding human beings I've ever known - no one would put up with me like they do.

Laundry, folding, sweeping crumbs, wiping noses, cleaning up the flu bug, giving baths, changing sheets, rocking babies, and making meals. Repeat. And then repeat again till you feel like you might collapse.

It's all grace. Redundant at times, but always grace. I'm trying to remember that.

I like to think I'm not losing myself in this calling as much as I am finding myself in this calling.

So I thought I'd post a prayer/poem that my mom gave me, she kept it close while we were growing up. I'm sure some of you have read it before. I like to look over it when I'm on a "mean mom" stretch. It's a good one...

A Prayer For Cross Mothers

Oh God, I was so cross to the children today. Forgive me. I was discouraged and tired - and I took it out on them. Forgive my bad temper, my impatience, and most of all, my yelling. I am so ashamed as I think of it.

I want to kneel down by each of their beds, wake them and ask them to forgive me, but I can't.

They wouldn't understand. I must go on living with the memory of this awful day, and my unjust tirades.

Hours later I can still see the fear in their eyes as they scurried around trying to appease me, thinking my anger and raving was their fault.

Oh, God, the helplessness of children. Their innocence before the awful monster - the enraged adult.

And how forgiving they are, hugging me so fervently at bedtime, kissing me goodnight.

All I can do is straighten a cover, touch a small head burrowed into a pillow, and hope with all my heart that they will forgive me.

Lord, in failing these little ones that you have put in my keeping, I am failing You. Please let your infinite patience and goodness replenish me for tomorrow."
-Majorie Holmes

Hoping someone else out there needed to read that as much as I did :).


Leslie said...

Amen! I needed this post as my 17-year-old and my 10-week-old are both tired & cranky. I'm tired and they're making me cranky! Love the prayer! Thank you!

Marinewife1111 {Marcella} said...

Said a prayer for you!

Ashley said...

Thank you so much! I know I didn't stumble upon your blog for no reason tonight. I appreciate the poem you posted!

Stacie@HobbitDoor said...

Thanks, honey! I know I needed that. 3rd trimester, full time job, plus all the kiddo stuff makes me way too short with Ralph and the girls. Really it's just me holding on to unrealistic expectations of myself and my family. Praying for you tonight as well as myself. Thank you!

Laura said...

I need to say this prayer!

Vivian said...

I am so glad I read your post tonight. It was really needed for me right now. It was so late tonight when I was able to jump on the computer that I almost didn't check your blog. Thank you so much for being real and a reminder that tomorrow is a new day. So thankful that our little ones as well as God are so forgiving.

Hannah D said...

Definitely needed that. It is so true. I get so short with them and then have mom guilt when they go to bed. I am thankful for a new day.

Steph said...

I had a bad day yesterday, too...It's tough when you just want to hide, and you have lots of little ones to take care of, not to mention, household duties that need to be done.

Thanks for your post tonight!

Sarah said...

I needed it! Thank you!

Marva said...

Wow.....I've really had a lot of bad days lately. Too many to count as a matter of fact. Thank you for is so needed! Hugs and prayers to you!

Tammy M said...

oh my, after this week of mommy quilt in overdrive.. I so needed to hear that. Thanks for sharing Kate.

Ruth said...

I am SO with you right now! My Zach (5 months) has his first cold, and has gone from sleeping through the night to up all night with congestion. (This guy is a champion sleeper, has been known to sleep for 15 hours at a time, so "up all night" is a huge difference for me! I'm TIRED!) Some of my other kiddos are feeling blah too, so we skipped school today and did Starbucks and Redbox instead. Right now we're all happy. =) Hope you all feel better soon!

Ruth Anne said...

That prayer is JUST what I needed. It seems like I'm living a month of a perpetual full moon, where my kiddos are just being WEIRD.

And hyper. And doing things totally out of character, like swinging on curtains.

Oh, man, I am so glad you posted that prayer, as it is my heart after many a day.

I'll say a prayer for you today!

Miss Moe said...

oh my. i have been feeling cross lately too. i think it is cabin fever. i am not used to living someplace so cold and this is our first winter here in WY. thanks for being real. these crappy mom days are the pits. and i am with you on the fact that no one else would put up with me the way my family does. they are way too gracious to me.

Jess said...

Loved this and totally what i needed to hear today! I've always hated the word "deserve" and I loved the way you wrote about it. I also remember a book by Marjorie Holmes while growing up. I need to find it again. The losing myself/finding myself in this calling is a powerful line. I'm reposting it on Facebook and will be writing it out as a reminder. Goooood stuff. Thanks for your honest rantings and revels of life with 6 little ones. I always agree since I have 6 ages 7 and under! We're in the same boat, sister!