Saturday, August 3, 2013

A New Morning

I had planned on posting yesterday after the girls left, especially after some of your sweet encouragement on Facebook... which by the way, can we all just move to one neighborhood and live life together, drink coffee, laugh the cares away, and live happily ever after?

No? It was worth a try.

But I was so tired and emotionally drained that it was just better for everyone involved for me to take my tired self to bed. I guess it went exactly like I thought and nothing like I had planned. The CW took them as quickly as she brought them back in December, like we had not grown into a family or something.

And it was C's birthday, so there was also that.

Can I just spill my heart for a second? Honestly, I think it has been so difficult on me because I had to fight to be their mom. I was the role in their life that they didn't trust because of their past, and it forced me to put sweat and tears into building a bond. I have never had to fight for the love of a child, and if you want the truth, I hated it in the beginning. But that part about this journey has ended up being my greatest gift, it grew me in ways I didn't know I needed as a mother.

Love is hard sometimes, but it never comes back void. Even when you lose.

They taught me about loving regardless of the outcome, and giving away my heart even though I always knew in the end it was going to sting. They were a constant reminder to me that Jesus didn't say to love only when it's easy or when you won't get your heart broken, He just told us to love.

Love is always worth it. And I would do it again in a second.

I loved that snow day with the girls. It was the first time they had been sledding. We had only had them a couple weeks.

Our whole family said goodbye yesterday, not just me. People always wonder how that is on kids, or how they are dealing. And I can tell you that ours are doing great. They knew we were waiting for C & A's bio mom to get healthy, and even though they were sad, they showed excitement for them about being able to see her again. I was proud of them. I'm sure there were times that this year was hard on them - they had to share their things, make room for kids their own age, and watch Eric and I struggle through some hard times with the girls. But they also learned about relentless love and a never failing hope.

And I know God will use that in their lives. Like I said, we would do it again in a second.

And we may. Our hearts are still deeply in the system. We plan on still being involved, we are just going to wait for God to show us how. I think my heart is going to take a little hiatus from taking in older kids, mainly because my heart is still with the older ones who just left and I know we could get a call about them at any point.

But we'll see. Our line is open, and so are our hearts :).

Thank you, thank you, thank you for hanging around for my ramblings. I so appreciate the support and encouragement that you've shown us!


Our4Monkeys said...

I'm still crying from our little guy leaving yesterday. A piece of my heart went with him. It's so hard. But, I like you, I would do it again. If I could go back, would I love him less; give him less of my heart? Absolutely not. Would I not wish for him to go home and be with his birth family? No way. I wouldn't change a thing. still hurts. :( Praying for your family!!

Thoughts for the day said...

Sounds like a good experience I only hope and pray they stay safe and cared for. My husband just got back from a camp called 'Royal Family kids camp' and it is for kids in foster care and who had been abused or neglected and those little kids really need to know they are safe, cared for and loved. EVEN though they fight it and don't want it sometimes. You are doing a good thing. Keep it up and do what is good for you and your family.

Savvy Little Women - Kate said...

I feel your pain, girl! It is so hard, even though we wouldn't change a thing. I too just start tearing up at any moment, it will all take time to heal I guess. Praying for your family as well!

Savvy Little Women - Kate said...

Thanks for your encouraging words, "thoughts for the day", I always appreciate them!

kathygrace said...

I've just finished your beautiful story of a mother's sweet heart, and I'm crying my eyes out. Such a wonderful family you are. Ready to open your hearts and your minds to those who need love the most. And your children, oh your children, doing so without hesitation, bringing those less fortunate into their little lives, and I'm sure your children's world is turned into chaos for a short while. God Bless you, beautiful Reffit family! My admiration soars for you all!

Mama Ds Dozen said...

Love & Hugs & Prayers to you and your sweet family!

Laurel :)
mama of 12

Sarah Halstead said...

You are amazing!! That is all I have to say! Praying for your family, though I am sure you all will be just fine.