Go Back

Years ago we talked of a journey that has finally come to pass. Life has been super busy lately.

Good news is that we have our final walk through of the house next week, and then we will be processed, submitted, and put on the vacancy list for a child. For those who are curious, our caseworker says the vacancy part will happen towards the end of October - and then we wait for a call.

Take a deep breath in with me, won't you? Thanks.

I feel like we are standing on the edge of uncertainty. Oh wait, we are.

We're excited and as ready as you can be when you're waiting for a call to come at any moment that says "hey, we have a child for you". We're getting ready to set up another crib in Lincolns room, and while two cribs in one room isn't something new to me, it's just leaving me a tad speechless.

Mainly because usually when I'm setting up a crib, I'm 50 (ok, 60) pounds heavier with ankles that are so swollen they should be in a health study of some kind.

Ah, I kid, and I make myself laugh. It makes the fear seem smaller than it is.

God is expanding here. There's no doubt about it. Sometimes that can be scary, and I'm not gonna lie, our life freaks me out a little.

I toss and turn and I bite my nails and I grow weary of those who judge and keep quiet. The pain of rejection amidst a calling you are certain God's calling you to can be ugly. I know it may seem crazy to some to add more - believe me, I live here. But on the other hand I know deep inside that sometimes a calling isn't the most comfortable thing, and following in obedience may be rough when others are raising their eyebrows.

I have let doubt creep in a lot over the last 2 weeks, just like I would over any calling - whether its a job, or a decision with the kids, or growing our family. So I text my friend yesterday telling her "I felt like giving up", and that "other peoples questions were starting to make me question this journey", and so on and so on. And wouldn't you know, she came back with this...

"Go back to the scriptures that first called you here."

That was it.

Go back. To Him. To His Word. To the truth.

That answer is why I love her so much. We all need a Jessica.

I almost laughed when I read it because it was like being smacked in the face with the truth stick. I easily let the worlds doubts and questions and opinions on how "crazy it must be to have all these kids" get to me. I get that foster care and adoption is hard, but that doesn't change the fact that God has called us to it.

And it also doesn't change the fact that these kids still need to be loved.

When things get rocky the enemy wants us to give up, he doesn't want kids in homes that love Jesus. But God, He has bigger plans that will come with exactly what we need to equip us for our next chapter.

I've been in that quiet place - where you are just fixing meals and wiping noses and dropping kids off at soccer practice - and also quietly growing inside and taking in as much as you can as God consumes your heart with a calling that is straight from Him.

Go back. To His heart and His desires. All the outside stuff doesn't matter. 2 kids, 6 kids, 12 kids - all His plan and His business...cling to that!

So I just wanted to throw that piece of encouragement out there - Go back. So many times, for so many different situations I need to go back to the His original plan and His vision instead of letting the world dictate my thoughts. It's all about Him anyway, right? Right.

I'm off to start into our season o' pumpkin baking with the girls - they've been begging me to bake some goodies and I just treasure these memories with them :). Happy Friday!