Friday, September 21, 2012

Go Back

Years ago we talked of a journey that has finally come to pass. Life has been super busy lately.

Good news is that we have our final walk through of the house next week, and then we will be processed, submitted, and put on the vacancy list for a child. For those who are curious, our caseworker says the vacancy part will happen towards the end of October - and then we wait for a call.

Take a deep breath in with me, won't you? Thanks.

I feel like we are standing on the edge of uncertainty. Oh wait, we are.

We're excited and as ready as you can be when you're waiting for a call to come at any moment that says "hey, we have a child for you". We're getting ready to set up another crib in Lincolns room, and while two cribs in one room isn't something new to me, it's just leaving me a tad speechless.

Mainly because usually when I'm setting up a crib, I'm 50 (ok, 60) pounds heavier with ankles that are so swollen they should be in a health study of some kind.

Ah, I kid, and I make myself laugh. It makes the fear seem smaller than it is.

God is expanding here. There's no doubt about it. Sometimes that can be scary, and I'm not gonna lie, our life freaks me out a little.

I toss and turn and I bite my nails and I grow weary of those who judge and keep quiet. The pain of rejection amidst a calling you are certain God's calling you to can be ugly. I know it may seem crazy to some to add more - believe me, I live here. But on the other hand I know deep inside that sometimes a calling isn't the most comfortable thing, and following in obedience may be rough when others are raising their eyebrows.

I have let doubt creep in a lot over the last 2 weeks, just like I would over any calling - whether its a job, or a decision with the kids, or growing our family. So I text my friend yesterday telling her "I felt like giving up", and that "other peoples questions were starting to make me question this journey", and so on and so on. And wouldn't you know, she came back with this...

"Go back to the scriptures that first called you here."

That was it.

Go back. To Him. To His Word. To the truth.

That answer is why I love her so much. We all need a Jessica.

I almost laughed when I read it because it was like being smacked in the face with the truth stick. I easily let the worlds doubts and questions and opinions on how "crazy it must be to have all these kids" get to me. I get that foster care and adoption is hard, but that doesn't change the fact that God has called us to it.

And it also doesn't change the fact that these kids still need to be loved.

When things get rocky the enemy wants us to give up, he doesn't want kids in homes that love Jesus. But God, He has bigger plans that will come with exactly what we need to equip us for our next chapter.

I've been in that quiet place - where you are just fixing meals and wiping noses and dropping kids off at soccer practice - and also quietly growing inside and taking in as much as you can as God consumes your heart with a calling that is straight from Him.

Go back. To His heart and His desires. All the outside stuff doesn't matter. 2 kids, 6 kids, 12 kids - all His plan and His business...cling to that!

So I just wanted to throw that piece of encouragement out there - Go back. So many times, for so many different situations I need to go back to the His original plan and His vision instead of letting the world dictate my thoughts. It's all about Him anyway, right? Right.

I'm off to start into our season o' pumpkin baking with the girls - they've been begging me to bake some goodies and I just treasure these memories with them :). Happy Friday!


Jeni said...

You've just got to embrace it and move along :). Don't let it get you down. I wouldn't know what to do without B in our family. He is teaching all of us about grace, redemption, unconditional love....I could go on and on. So much JOY amidst the heartache that is his history. It would be so sad if we had missed out on him because we cared about what other's thought about us.
Just keep on keepin' on :)

Unknown said...

I have never posted a comment, but have read your blog for the last year or two....

I am a foster Mom to two and a Mom waiting to adopt what will be our 6th child through DSS and I am a Mom to our three biological children.

I didn't want to be a foster parent. I will admit it. =) The situation we are in with our boys in foster care is a bit insane but I wouldn't change it because then they wouldn't be here. When the boys moved in almost 10 months ago they were 16 and 11. I was told I was crazy, that the oldest would do horrible things, that the youngest would be okay. I was told that I was being horribly uncaring to the needs of my biological children and that I must not love them anymore. There are days that throwing in the towel would have been EASY but then I think of all the blessings I would have missed. The now 17 year old helping my youngest, the fun family football games, the brothers sharing about life.... It has truly been a WONDERFUL experience.

I will be praying for your journey.

Adrienne Kleeman

Marisa said...

What wonderful advice! So glad you are listening to His calling and not the opinions of this world!

Thoughts for the day said...

You will do fine, I will pray that the right child arrives in your home and that YOU and your family can give them just the right amount of hope and love to get them through whatever they need in the years to come.

cowartclan said...

It will be hard, but life is NEVER easy. But as moms we know the it is hard and tough, but the LOVE and JOY outweighs it anyway. Plus the Almighty God is on OUR side, and there every step of the way. He planned it this way, so stay close to God and you will be in His Will-- and where else would you want to be? God bless

Robin @ Pink Dryer Lint said...

I thought of you the other day when I took my three daughters and my friend's two children to the grocery store. One woman looked at me and I could tell that she was mentally counting all of the little heads. She asked, "Are these all yours?" which I'm sure is a question you've answered many times before.

My prayer for you is grace -- not just for your full house, but with grace to handle outside commentators.

You have a calling, Kate, and your friend's advice is so beautiful and true.

Savvy Little Women - Kate said...

Thanks, we feel so blessed to be called to this! I think I get more annoyed than anything with others opinions :). We know we are right where He wants us.

Mama D’s Dozen said...

Great post!

I know ALL about stepping out in faith and walking a journey that no one understands.


If you ever want to "chat" about having an extra-large family and/or adoption, just let me know. I would love to chat via. email or phone.

So glad you and Jessica are friends. You are both BLESSED to be in each other's lives.

Keep seeking Him. Keep walking in HIS truth. Keep stepping out in FAITH, as HE calls you.


Laurel :)

The Beaver Bunch said...

Thank you Zach Morris. Sometimes the shortest text is the one God intends you to send. I realized TODAY that I had a message to you in my drafts of my texts.

That was the first one I meant to send but Zach threw it in drafts and then promptly shut 'er down.

The one you mentioned here was the 2nd one I sent. I love it when God does stuff like that. You know, when he makes it so that His words prevail rather than your own. I was neck deep in kids and that was the best I could squeak out at the time.

God IS faithful. That's something I'm reminding myself minute by minute these days.

Love you friend.

Debbi said...

Do you mind if I read this at a MOPS meeting for the devotional time?

Savvy Little Women - Kate said...

Nope, I don't mind at all :). Thanks for thinking of me!