Monday, November 14, 2011


I usually don't get real deep around here. Well, sometimes, but usually not on Mondays.

But writing is cheaper than therapy, amen?

We all struggle. With something, someone, some thought, some habit, etc. And so often, we keep quiet because struggle makes us feel insecure, vulnerable, or like we are letting ourselves and those around us down.

That's a lie from the enemy, by the way.

4 months or so ago when I started feeling anxiety well up in my chest way more than I'd like to admit, I didn't want to say anything. I didn't want to admit that I was having trouble with it, and I didn't want to admit that it was occupying way more of my time than it should. I felt under attack during a season of change in our life - in a way, I kinda felt plagued by worry.

It was hard. After all, how often do I hear in a store, "wow, this is a lot of little must be Super Mom!!". As I'd shuffle my anxious heart out of that aisle with my crew I'd often muffle under my breath, "if you only knew, lady."

Besides, 2 kids, 6 kids, 10 kids, or 20 kids doesn't make you super mom. Loving your kids fearlessly, putting their needs before your own, and getting out of bed in the morning and dragging your struggling heart to the toaster to make waffles is what makes you super mom.

We all do it. We should have capes.

That carefree, laid back mom who considered a stroll through Target with her half dozen a relaxing and fun outing, turned into a mom that instead said, "Why don't we just stay home instead?"

Don't worry, I still love cruising Target. It's a place dear to my heart. Team Target forever.

But I am convinced now that He lets the storm move in so He can teach you, guide you, and get your attention when you're having trouble listening. He was using this rough patch to teach me about mothering, about myself, about my lack of boundaries, that being home is SO important, and that I was missing vital time with my crew by running around town when we really didn't need to be.

I can't raise 5 homemakers in the seasonal clearance aisle at Target.

I heard somewhere recently that Satan doesn't want you to talk about your struggles, he wants to make you feel isolated and alone. He doesn't want you to know and remember the freedom you have in Christ, so he tries to keep you quiet, chained, and ashamed.

But you know what shatters his twisted plans? Bringing the darkness to light, sharing your heart with close friends in the middle of Panera Bread, and hearing them say, "oh yes, I've been there, I totally understand."

Is there anything better than hearing "I understand"?? It's a gift. For real.

God sets us free. He goes before us. And He heals our beaten down spirit.

I am free to take a deep breath, free to live a life of joy, and free to walk through Target without listening to that voice that says, "you can't handle are're not good at this."

I can do this with Him, and I don't have to live with anxiety or fear or worry or any other struggle.

He. Sets. Us. Free.

Call this struggle with anxiety what you want. You can call it hormones, you can call it raising a big family, you can call it the stress of every day life. I call it staying in the grip of fear, instead of living in the grip of grace.

No more.

Today is like any other recent day. Except different. Because today I remember that I am His, and He cares about every single detail in my life. He is right there with me (and you) during those anxiety or fear filled moments.

He can kick the crap out of those moments. I just need to ask.

Is this to much on a Monday?? Yes? Sorry :). 

Everyone has something going on - everyone struggles. God wants you to talk about it, He wants you to be free :).

"When I said "My foot is slipping," your love, O Lord, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul." Psalm 94: 18-19


Nikki said...

Thank you for this post! I needed it this morning and during this time. We just moved (two weeks ago), and I'm scheduled to be induced with my fourth child in two weeks. There is so much to be done, and I know that I don't have time to do it all. And if I try, I start having contractions which aren't good. It's very hard!

But after reading your post, I've decided to have my husband just move some of the boxes that need to be unpacked out of the way. They've waiting this long, and they can continue to wait until some time after the baby comes. Meanwhile, I'll enjoy the three children I currently have and prop my feet up more.

Thanks, again!

Cortny said...

Thank you, Kate. Thank you. I don't have six children and I'm not even married, but I felt like you spoke the words on my heart in this post. I needed to hear this, expecially about Satan trying to keep us quiet. Thank you for just being yourself and providing me with so much inspiration and excitement for when I am {hopefully!!} a stay at home mom someday. :)

Tammy M said...

Thank you for sharing this Kate... with out a doubt God has given you a gift to be an encouragement to all us fellow Momma's. I just love you!!!

Laura said...

I think God led me to this post today! I have been feeling exactly like this. I just added Lilah to the family and I keep thinking my life should go on the way it was before, so I am struggling to "keep up appearances" by making every playdate, doing all thing trips tot he grocery store with 3 kids, going to every family function. Finally I realized that Lilah was suffering cause she wasn't get enough time at home like I gave the twins when they were first born. Now, Lilah is dragged around place to place and I try to do too much instead of stay home with her on the days my girls go to school..... this whole weekend i stayed home, didn't go anywhere and tried to do fun things around here with the girls and finally I can see it making a difference in Lilah, she is less fussy, eating better and we are ALL happier! I was feeling guilty that I was trying to make it appear that I had it all together and when people call me super mom, sometimes I feel like I have to live up to that to not let them down.. but you are right, we should all wear capes, we are all doing the best we can and just getting up in the morning is a win! :)

Lenae said...

I love you for sharing this. I struggle so much with living in the grip of fear, and I could never do with enough reminders that I am loved by a God who sets me FREE. Keep sharing, even if it *is* heavy -- there are so many out there who need to hear what you're saying, Kate.

Anonymous said...

Thank you soooo much for writing this!!...definitely nice to know that you are not the only one feeling overwhelmed at times. I am a working mother of three and my husband works and is going to school right now...I feel so alone in my thoughts and feelings right now. Between kids and work there is just not enough time for friends for me right now...I definitely miss those days of having "my girls" to talk to...I know that I am not alone that God is always with me...but being reminded of it was much needed today!! Thank you again!!

Anonymous said...

Thank-you Kate. From the bottom of my heart.... thank-you for your words.

Ruth said...

Beautiful words for a Monday! Thanks for putting your heart out there... You've encouraged me once again on this journey we share called "motherhood." I love you, dear friend! I want to meet you someday!

Sarah said...

Oh friend... I SO know what you're talking about. Fear is the thing that so often grips my heart and steals my joy. But you are so right... we can be FREE... thank you Jesus!

mandbrid said...

I love this post Kate! reminded me of a couple things you might enjoy:


Marisa said...

You made me cry. I needed this today. Thank you so much for the reminder.

Stacie@HobbitDoor said...

Thanks for sharing! I am quite the home body these days. I find the girls and I do better when we follow a simple quiet routine at home. Ralph will tell you I'm practically a hermit (except I still love to have people over, just don't make me leave!). Praying for you as you seek your own balance in your home. Thanks for sharing the struggles. I think it's good for us all to have a reality check from time to time. Love you, friend.

G said...

I love your blog and have been following it for some time. But I'm honestly wondering if you are only raising your girls to be wives and mothers? Don't get me wrong I want to get married and have kids and I think it's a great aspiration but it's also not for everyone. Shouldn't you encourage your girls to shoot for whatever they want to be, whether it be a doctor, a writer or a mother?

J said...

It sounds like you had a bit of postpartum depression. I'm sorry about that, it has nothing to do with your mothering, which you seem to be amazing at. Talking about ones struggles is always helpful and get that feeling of community which is so important.

But, if your girls don't want to be homemakers, that's okay too. If they want to be wife and mothers then that's their choice and a wonderful thing but it is okay to have a career and work outside the home. Let them do what they love, raise them to see the options in the world. You love to cook with them, perhaps one will want to be a chef or a teacher or a doctor or anything.

Hunter said...

clearly I am well behind in reading this... but with tears welling up I say to you thank you Kate for this post. Thank you dear sister. never met you but I love you dear one.
- Hunter