I Wish I Didn't, But I Do

I worry, I get anxious, and can I let it consume my mind from time to time.

It's kinda funny, actually. Because for the most part, I'm a pretty laid back, go with the flow kind of gal.

Kids are running crazy in the store? No idea what I'm feeding the crew for dinner? Someone has emptied the entire tube of toothpaste onto the bathroom sink? No worries, life is not an emergency, remember?

But the big things, the situations that are basically out of my control, those things that I can't change - that is what I worry about, even though I am fully aware that we have a God who tells us not to worry.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:34

We came across some things yesterday that are pointing us in the direction of a c-section, that could be scheduled next week sometime. The details aren't really interesting enough to go into, but the bottom line is that there are just some concerns that my uterus has been stretched to thin after carrying 2 consecutive sets of (pretty big) twins.

And so I start to worry a little and get nervous...about a c-section and all that comes with it, even though I've already had 2.

Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7

I am still praying for an early vbac, that labor would start when my body isn't completely maxed out, at a time when my body could handle a natural delivery. But if not, that's ok too. I know God gives us the desires of our heart, and right now, my desire is to just get our little guy here safe and sound, to a mama that is safe and healthy as well.

I'm a work in progress when it comes to this worrying thing, this anxious feeling that I let sink in a little to often. And right now I just feel like God is trying to teach me to wait on Him, to stop trying to figure things out, to be patient, and to remember and believe that He knows what is best.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Philippians 4:6

It's easy though to let worry consume some of your time, isn't it? The bills, the kids, the future - those things can get into my mind and raise all kinds of trouble, even though I know that God is in control and that He wants me to trust Him completely.

I say that I trust Him, but it's time for me to start acting like I trust Him, in every area of my life.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6

So that is what I'm doing today, praying through my concerns and thoughts as I wash and fold these little blue clothes and blankets to prepare for our little man.


Maybe after the laundry I'll pack my hospital bag, you know, just so I'm prepared for the unexpected :).