Tuesday, April 12, 2011

I Wish I Didn't, But I Do

I worry, I get anxious, and can I let it consume my mind from time to time.

It's kinda funny, actually. Because for the most part, I'm a pretty laid back, go with the flow kind of gal.

Kids are running crazy in the store? No idea what I'm feeding the crew for dinner? Someone has emptied the entire tube of toothpaste onto the bathroom sink? No worries, life is not an emergency, remember?

But the big things, the situations that are basically out of my control, those things that I can't change - that is what I worry about, even though I am fully aware that we have a God who tells us not to worry.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:34

We came across some things yesterday that are pointing us in the direction of a c-section, that could be scheduled next week sometime. The details aren't really interesting enough to go into, but the bottom line is that there are just some concerns that my uterus has been stretched to thin after carrying 2 consecutive sets of (pretty big) twins.

And so I start to worry a little and get nervous...about a c-section and all that comes with it, even though I've already had 2.

Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7

I am still praying for an early vbac, that labor would start when my body isn't completely maxed out, at a time when my body could handle a natural delivery. But if not, that's ok too. I know God gives us the desires of our heart, and right now, my desire is to just get our little guy here safe and sound, to a mama that is safe and healthy as well.

I'm a work in progress when it comes to this worrying thing, this anxious feeling that I let sink in a little to often. And right now I just feel like God is trying to teach me to wait on Him, to stop trying to figure things out, to be patient, and to remember and believe that He knows what is best.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Philippians 4:6

It's easy though to let worry consume some of your time, isn't it? The bills, the kids, the future - those things can get into my mind and raise all kinds of trouble, even though I know that God is in control and that He wants me to trust Him completely.

I say that I trust Him, but it's time for me to start acting like I trust Him, in every area of my life.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6

So that is what I'm doing today, praying through my concerns and thoughts as I wash and fold these little blue clothes and blankets to prepare for our little man.

Maybe after the laundry I'll pack my hospital bag, you know, just so I'm prepared for the unexpected :).


*Ross and Katy* said...

I'm a big worry-er too...but I was reminded last week by a very sweet lady at church that no matter how much I worry about a situation, it won't change the end result because God has already figured out what is going to happen.

I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for a healthy baby and healthy delivery, no matter how he ends up coming :)

Kelly said...

We all worry about things that are out of our control sometimes--I know I do! Hang in there. Praying for a safe delivery for you and your little boy.

Marinewife1111 {Marcella} said...


Ruth Anne said...

Oh, Kate, I'm praying for you! Praying that all goes well, and that it goes according to His perfect plan. "His thoughts are not our thoughts, nor are our ways His ways..."

I am so excited for you; it's a little crazy how excited I am, actually. ;-)

I will keep you in my heart and prayers, and I hope you get a chance to post when you go in to the hospital so we can pray for you during your labor/delivery!!

Kristin Bridgman said...

We are all the same in this area...but so thankful to have a Savior who understands and is always there for us, loving us no matter what.
Tuesday is my day of the week to fast and pray all day. I felt compelled to come here and check some things and found you. I will be praying for you the rest of my day along with the others.
Trust Him and have a beautiful day! :)

Christine said...

Delurking to say that this is a beautiful post. Blessings to you and your sweet family whatever happens.

Mom to Mikayla 10, Zachary 9, Landen 22 mos.

Marisa said...

Just keep reminding yourself of His promises!

Isn't it fun to launder their little clothes? I just loved getting the little things back out again and dreaming while I folded and nested:)

jenny said...

God loves that sweet babe even more than you do and He is holding him and the plans for delivery in the palm of His hand. Take comfort in that! Praying for your mind and all the details. Can't wait for his arrival!

susan said...

what will be.... will be.

I wish so much I was not a worry-er but I am too..... it undoes me.... a lot. I rehash and re-think and churn.

breathe and just be in the moment.

Can't wait till he comes... :):)

Jeni said...

YAY for blue :)!!