long exhale out...
This morning was better - I can actually feel your prayers. Your encouragement and perspective has truly blessed us.
-----------------------------------------
I'm packing up my savvies...
packing our snacks...
and heading for the pool. I know, big surprise :).
I'm going to try to figure out how to get Kinley and Raya to stop drinking the pool water. It builds immunities though, right??
Ahem.
Hope your week is going well!
I am trying, I promise, to move on from this miscarriage. I did something stupid today, I took another pregnancy test - just to see if all the hormones were out of my system. It would give me some closure to see a negative test, right?
Wrong.
It was actually still positive. 2 lines, but no healthy pregnancy growing inside.
I swear, I'm trying.
I don't like being sad, I don't like admitting that I'm frustrated, and I don't like acting out of it...
But it's hard. And please believe me, I know we have been immensly blessed - those 5 little loves are like oxygen. We are very blessed, I know.
I think the fact that 2 months ago I told anyone who would listen that we were done having kids, at least I was 90% sure, and that I had things I wanted to pursue - and I was ready to just be Kate for awhile - now all that non sense chatter just makes it worse. It's funny how I thought I knew what I wanted.
I had a plan, I had an agenda, I had things I wanted to do.
But that was the problem, see? I need to do what God's wants for our family - to be who He is calling us to be.
God has a plan, God has an agenda, and God has things He wants me to do. Not the other way around.
That is a hard, but freeing lesson. I was focused on me, I need to be focused on Him.
Does God have plans for us to be a bigger family than we are? I don't know. But I do know that I want to be the family God wants us to be, period.
(not long ago I read an amazing post by Annie about The Bend. She is truly brilliant, you should follow her blog. I am encouraged by you, girl. Thanks SO much for writing for Him!)
He's bending me. I know it. The bend is always a learning experience - not always bad, just hard. It's the highest point of tension in your current stage of life - the point where you feel something has to break...something has got to give...something is about to happen to make things clearer, easier, better.
I see the bend in so many friends. It's in our family, in people soaked in ministry, in couples in the midst of adoption, people looking for jobs, marriages seeking counseling, and mom's who just don't know how to parent that 1 child - the one who pushes you further than the rest. The bend is everywhere.
But the break is near. Relief of some sort is coming. Good or Bad. I know, because He takes care of His children. He knows what is best.
The bend may not always be pretty, but it's always real. I think the bend , even though tough right now, is a blessing.
I needed the bend, but I'm looking forward to the break.
The babes are on the same schedule, and they are currently dropping their morning naps...
But yesterday, Kinley just couldn't sleep. So after 45min of talking to her little monkey, I went up and got her out of bed...
(aren't they the SWEETEST after a nap?? I mean, seriously, the best...)
Raya was still snoozing though, so I decided to let her sleep...
I took Kinley downstairs to get her cup, but when I turned around to hand it to her, she was gone...
That sweet little thing had gone back up to her sisters crib...
and reached her hand in...
she just wants her "up" too...she just wants to be with her sister...
I took her back downstairs 3 times before I gave up. She just kept going back to Raya's crib... 
Love these girls...and their connection... What do we do on the weekends?
Not much, actually.
We skip the pool usually and just hang out at home together - it's great.
(unless you count last weekend when I went to the pool by myself for 2 hours in between photo sessions. shhhhh. )
We hang out back on the weekends...
cookout...
run around...
argue over who sprays who with the hose...
(which I usually get to spray. C'mon, I've earned it, right?)
and on occasion - somehow end up with grass in our hair...
but that's ok, you can just dunk your head in the water table to rinse anything out...
that's what its for, right??
my ladies loovvee the Water Table - especially Raya...
although I'm not sure if she likes playing with it, or just drinking the water out of it... 
And the girls have also been enjoying this old swing set that our new neighbors brought over from someones yard...who's kids have out grown it...
Have I mentioned how much we LOVE our neighbors? Well, we do. They are fan-tas-tic... 
I know I've posted a lot of pictures of Kinley lately, but she's just such a ham...
This is what she's does when I say, "Kinley, can you smile for the camera?!"
Funny, huh? :)
I'm off to the pool with my ladies, hoping for a relaxing (and by "relaxing" I mean "not completely insane") afternoon!
Happy Friday!
Right?
1. I have been busy this week taking lots of pictures for some sweet families...
I know.
The bubbles. The sweet little dresses. Too much cuteness.
2. Have I ever mentioned I don't love insects? Well I don't. At all. But I have recently started killing bugs around the house. I know it seems insignificant, but for me, its huge. Now I might have a broom, my husbands shoe, and vacuum on stand by, but at least I'm making progress. And I know that seems like a lot of gear for killing a tiny bug, but its the only way for me to do it, people. I'm a hockey mask short of a total sissy.
3. We have been at the pool a lot. Obviously. Yesterday it was 97 degrees in my car - 97! I have gone from gracefully helping my kiddos in and out of the pool, to knocking over children on my way to the water when the whistle blows. It takes everything in me to not do a canon ball on my way in.
(oh and I found a swimsuit)
(everyone made it out of the fitting room unharmed)
4. Someone told me the other day to "just think about how much more stressful my life would be with more kids - maybe it's just time to be done anyway...try to think of it that way..."
(Sweet Mercy)
5. So I said I think we'll just let God decide whats best - we'll follow His lead, no matter what others think. After all, His path IS the best path.
6. And then I rolled my eye's a little. I'm not gonna lie. :)
7. I have my (hopefully) last miscarriage appointment on Friday morning. I'm kind of looking forward to finalizing everything, and moving on. Where "on" is, I don't know. But I will keep you posted :).
8. I have an amazing new Spicy Hummus recipe that I can't wait to share - just need to get pics first :).
9. I'm thinking of cutting my hair.
(but I might need counseling after - I've had long hair for as long as I can remember)
(alright, maybe I'm not going to cut it)
10. God has really been teaching me lately about His timing, and really trusting that He will do whats best for us. Love that about Him - always looking after His kiddos :).
I think that's it...for now...you glad? :)
Hope you are having a great week!
Have I ever mentioned that Raya loovves to be close to people (especially me)? Well, she does. That child would sit on my lap the whole day if I would let her...
And sometimes I do.
But Kinley on the other hand - well, she likes her space...
And she ain't afraid to tell you...
because apparently Kinley Girl has boundaries, and she doesn't like when they are crossed...
All she wants to do outside is chase after the birds, it's just about the sweetest thing you've ever seen...
Unless you're a bird, then it's probably pretty scary.
She just can't get enough...
You would think that her little arm would get tired from all that pointing... 
What a sweetie, huh? :) Love you, ladies...
I do. Seriously.
You're the best.
I know it's sappy, but it's SO true...
I love ya just as much as Raya loves her own cup of Ice Water...
And she really loves her own cup...
Well, some of you were on the right track - and I so appreciate your comments...
It's true.
Recently we received a huge surprise in the form of 2 pink lines. 2, bold, lines. I love 2 lines, don't you? There's nothing quite like a positive pregnancy test. No matter if you were planning it, or it came as a total surprise, it's just good.
Just. Plain. Good.
We were truly shocked...and overwhelmed, and excited, and nervous. You know, all the normal emotions. I started looking SO forward to telling the older girls about this new life we had growing in our family, I knew they were going to be ecstatic, especially my sweet Ella - she loves this big sister gig :).
But that all faded to worry when I started spotting last week. After a few visits and multiple blood tests, my Dr. called yesterday morning to tell us that the pregnancy was over - I was having a miscarriage.
I keep thinking I shouldn't be that upset - I do already have 5 kids, and this was unexpected anyway. I should just move on with ease, right??
It's funny, when I had my 1st miscarriage before I got pregnant with Ella, I thought that it was so hard because I didn't have any kids yet - that it would somehow be easier if I had already had a baby. But I don't feel that way anymore, this time hurt just as much as the 1st.
It just stinks.
It's such a relief to know that we have a Sovereign God who knows whats best for us, and knows exactly what we need at the perfect time. He knows every emotion that we feel, and is the only One who can really give us peace. He has been good to us, and we are truly thankful.
So that's the deal. That's where we are, that's what has been going on. A little curve ball, a small bump in the road.
I'm ok, just tired, and full of mixed emotions. But time will heal it, and life will get back to normal - well, back to our kind of normal :). My 5 beauties and I will be back at the pool and Target in no time! ;)
Thanks for listening, thanks for caring, and thanks for your sweet words. You all are SO great!
Life throws you a Curve ball.
When you're just going about your day like everything is normal...
soaking up the sun, having fun with the kiddos at the pool...
swooning over how sweet your little loves are...
Life throws you a Curve Ball. Authorities were called to Target on Main St. Friday morning after they received a call about a situation the store had in their fitting rooms.
Officials arrived after a call from a frightened fitting room attendant came through saying there was screaming, weeping, and what sounded like things being thrown at the mirror coming from the large fitting room where the woman had gone in with her children, ages 6, 4, 4, 1, and 1.
Come to find out, the weeping and screaming was coming from the mother who was found passing out snacks of all sorts to tame her children, and attempting to rip several swimsuits to shreds.
It appears that 29yr old Kate, mother of 5, had gone in with all the children to try on swimsuits. Why she would do that to herself, we don't know. She told an officer, "it was a last resort" and "I just can't seem to get out of the house alone these days" and "don't blame me, swimsuit shopping isn't healthy for anyone - it should be illegal!!"
She was released after promising to never, under any circumstance, enter the fitting room to try on bathing suits with all the children again. The police officers called it, "irrational" and "unnecessary torture" to put yourself in that kind of situation.
They are hoping that this can be a lesson to all mothers out there.
-----------------------------------------
Well, not really. But that is the story I feel could potentially surface after I take all the girls with me today to find a swimsuit. Sweet Mercy, it has to be done.
Wish me luck!
Our Summer groove, that is. It always takes us a few days to get into a new routine, but I think everyone is enjoying this new summer schedule...
It's still business as usual around here...
Lot's of girls, lot's of laughing, and lot's of crazy :)...
We've spent most of our week outside, the girls love it...
Kinley now waits for me at the edge of the porch when we're out back cause she doesn't like walking in the wet grass. Cute, huh?
I've been letting the girls pitch in around the house a little - they think it's cool. Although sometimes it doesn't go exactly as planned, like when I asked them to take 1 roll of toilet paper to their bathroom, and later found this instead...
1, or 7, whatever is fine as long as they're trying, right? :)
Raya is following me around all day saying, "up, up, up , up. mom-mom, mom-mom." Melts my heart...
I realized this week that I should start buying Popsicles in bulk...
They loovve their Popsicles :)... 
So now we are off to the pool for the day - for the 1st time this summer. Here's hoping for a sunny day! Hope you all are having a great week!
Let the summer goodness begin...
The girls loovve summer - just a little...
Alright, they love it a lot...
We've been running around, burning off some energy... 
Ahem. 
And showing off some seriously cute legs...
The pool opens this week - you think they're ready for us?
Or should I say, am I ready to take 5 very active little ladies to the pool? :)
Well, ready or not...
Sweet, Savvy, Smart, Six.
Ella, today is your birthday. It's your 6th birthday!
My girl, my 1st born, my little lady, my sanity...
You are my helper in so may ways. You have taken on way more responsibility than any other kid I know - all while sporting the sweetest - 1 tooth missing - smile...
This past year has been incredible - you have grown in so many ways. You are such a little sponge, you soak up every little piece of info. You walked into Kindergarten with a hop in your step, and we watched you pass up all our expectations. I am so proud of you, Ella!
You make me want to be better.
You are an amazing big sister, an example, a leader, an encourager, and just a bundle of fun...
6 years ago today, by God's Grace, you made me a mother. Time goes so quickly, and you are growing so fast - I would appreciate if you would slow it down a bit :)!
I loved spending the day with just you. Talking, laughing, getting our nails painted, picking out party supplies for next weekend, and just listening to you, my little lady. Let's do these little Ella & Mommy day's more often, ok? :)
Happy 6th Birthday, sweet Ella! We love you!
I love that color.
And I loovve that our new place is finally coming together. This "fixer upper" is almost, well, completely fixed up :).
I got a few questions about that "tan" color from my previous basement picture. The thing is, it's not really tan, it's gray - Cathedral Gray to be exact. Shooting without my flash in low lighting makes color's look a little different. (you know I rarely use my flash, right?) So here are some pics of the basement with my flash on so you can see that color better. It is by far, one of my favorite colors we've ever used...
And here is a glimpse of where we eat...
And where they play Dress- Up...
They loovve those little mirrors - a total hit.
