Love This

Tonight after baths I caught Ella reading a bedtime story to the younger girls while I was throwing clothes in the washer and feeding Lincoln...

Pretty sure that sight trumps the chaos and the day to day craziness that comes with motherhood :).

Love, love, love those kids.

Tired, but blessed.

Kids Take Time

We went van shopping today.

I know, you can't believe we've waited so long. I've had my reasons, alright :)?

But anyway, we drove an hour out of town with the kiddos to see a van we were sure we were going to buy, but it ended up not being what we thought. We were frustrated and annoyed so we made the best of the day and decided to surprise the babes by taking them to the infamous Build A Bear at a nearby mall.

And let me just say, what a racket. But a genius one.

On the way in Eric was walking ahead of me with two girls holding each hand, and my heart was full. I couldn't help but thank the Lord for our little detour in the day and for that vision in front of me that shows His love for us so clearly.

The girls picked out bears (within a set and strict budget) and we moved on to the other good stuff.

We stopped at the sound station because apparently a bear isn't a bear if it doesn't sing a Justin Bieber song when you squeeze his hand.

By this point we had had our normal questions, "Is this a birthday party? Are you a blended family? Are they all yours?". And we answered and laughed with other bear makers.

But there was this one guy.

He was just flat out put off by us. And worse, by my kids. He was taking deep sighs and rolling his eyes because we were clearly holding his little girl up at the sound station.

"Maybe we should move on, because clearly this is going to take awhile...geez."

And in the midst of our busyness and in the midst of a chaotic mothering season where I don't need reminders of how crazy life can be, I felt blessed by his comment.

He's right, this is going to take awhile.

Because this much grace and this many gifts takes time. Sweet, attentive, loving, and fleeting time.

So I will not rush, Sir.

We made our way through the store and headed outside and I couldn't help but feel proud of my group. We may take extra time, but that's ok because kids take time. God patiently spends time on my needy self, and through that He teaches us how to patiently spend time on those needy little Love's He entrusted to us. That's how it works.

We aren't perfect and we are making mistakes and we are learning as we go. But we are giving it our all, and we are making memories - both messy ones and time consuming ones. So I am going to quite apologizing and hurrying the kids along.

"Sorry, guy behind me. I've got kids that are excited and a growing girl that will probably soon think that this isn't cool anymore, and that makes my mommy heart ache a tad. So I'm going to take my time and add stuffing and give bear baths as long as I can. Ok? Ok!!??"

I didn't say that. Oh but I wanted to.

I pray that one day when our kids are grown and I pass the new age Build A Bear, that I will lean over and tell a young mom that I wish I could switch spots with her because these sweet, sweet memory making moments go so fast.

I pray that when I am old and gray I hug a mom in the freezer section at the grocery as she's apologizing to fellow shoppers for her kids.

Take your time, soak it up, and take in all that childlike faith and joy.

It's a gift, and it's the good stuff.

But...

I should be catching up around the house after vacation...

but I have nails to paint...

I have laundry to do, windows to clean, carpets to sweep, and dishes to wash...

but a day at the pool with my crew sounds better...

There are clothes, shoes, and closets to organize, and a million ideas on (the anti reality site) Pinterest to teach me how...

but I think I'll let my kids be kids and my house prove that fun and love and chaos reside here...

I could change the sheets, mop the floors, prepare fancy meals, iron some clothes, and clean out the cabinets...

but making memories sounds SO much more fun...

I could do this, that, and the other thing...

but I think I'll be a mama first :).

Can't say it enough, love these Summer days!  

Sweet Friends, Lot's Of Kids, And 1000 Memories

So we took a trip. And it was great.

We spent a handful of days swimming and boating and waiting. Waiting till the end of the week for the real party to start :).

Well over a year ago, I crossed paths with Jessica. Every time I would read her comments I thought, "seriously, this lady really gets me....not to mention the fact that she cracks me up!". I made my way to her corner of the blogesphere while my belly was still swollen with Lincoln and I was instantly hooked on their story. I found a friend...who was just like me in so many ways.

I saw a family that was on their own unique journey that led them to a busy season much like we were experiencing. I saw little kids as far as the eye could see, and a mom and dad trying to survive this sweet life full of kids whining, mountains of laundry, lost socks, and more snuggles than your heart can take. I saw that that she understood my madness, and I sensed that we shared a unique and necessary passion for laughter and sarcasm :).

And so a friendship was born.

Somewhere between then and now we decided to meet up and have a weekend together with all the kiddos. Yep, we decided to stay together for the weekend even though we had never met in real life before. We're risky like that.

And when they pulled up to the lake house and hopped out, it was like hugging an old friend from college.

For the following 2 days we took Tennessee by storm and made lot's of great memories. The kids immediately loved each other and Eric and I soaked up every minute of conversation we had with this sweet couple. And oh yea, Jess had me laughing so hard I was crying by Saturday night - that means she's a sister for life.

We talked about our days and our futures and things we love and fear. Eric and I went to bed both nights talking about how we were so encouraged and that this was clearly a meeting set up by the Lord.

The "big kids" had a sleepover one night and it was such a hit. They all lined up in sleeping bags, and we popped in a movie and then proceeded to listen to little giggles late into the night.

I can't tell you how blessed we were by the weekend and how thankful I am to have spent time with them. We were encouraged, challenged, and refreshed. Saying goodbye was rough, and knowing that they are leaving the country soon just made me want to hug them a little tighter. You see, Jessica and her crew are moving to Kenya soon to share Jesus with those who have never heard of Him - it's an amazing story.

I 'm thanking God for the gift that this friendship is, for the fact that He bridges relationships even across the miles, and for this big 'ol group...

I love how He uses this bloggy world to bring us mama's together :).

Hope you all are having a great week!

We're Going To The Lake. With 13 Children.

Yes, it's going to be a tad crazy.

And maybe really loud.

And I'm thinking that sleep won't be in abundance.

But hey, whats a vacation without some adventure, right?

As you can see, Lincoln is down here sporting his new little life jacket. No, you can't have him. But yes, you may squeeze those chubby cheeks.

We are here to relax and meet up with a family tomorrow that I met in this big bloggy world - fun, huh?! Jessica from The Making Of A Mom has become a good friend of mine, and I can't tell you how excited I am to hug this woman in person. They have kids the same ages as ours plus one new babe - and they have a story and a future that is full of serving Him. I just love 'em.

You can pray for our sanity as we are about to find out how 4 adults control 13 kids under 8.

Whew, that kind of makes your stomach do a filp flop, doesn't it?

Send chocolate. And Caffeine. Lots of it.


So anyway, we are excited. I am just thankful to have had some time away with our little family, its a rare occurrence and it was much needed. I'll try to upload some pics of the biggest slumber party we've ever seen as soon as I can :).

Hope you all are having a great week!

Let Them Be Little

Only once, only for a short time, only now are they little.

Play in the pool, ignore the laundry, clean up later, laugh out loud, and snuggle longer.

Ignore the desire to be the perfect mom and remember that you already are a great mom. Silence the commitments and the to-do lists and the mommy guilt, and enjoy these gifts while they're little.

Let them run around the living room, let them ask a bajillion questions, let them test you, let them hang on to your leg, let them tell you about their day, let them tell silly stories, let them know you're listening, let them teach you how to color outside the lines, and let them woo you with their little eyelashes...

Let them be little.

Let them play with your hair, let them help with the dishes, let them be your stress reliever, let them sit on your lap while you work, let them giggle in their room at bedtime, let them sing in the car, let them crawl in your bed when they're afraid, let them be rocked to sleep, let them fill your space with their things, and let them fill your heart with a childish joy...

Let them be little.

Let them call your name 100 times in 60 seconds, let them stand at the bathroom door, let them follow you everywhere, let them tell the person behind you in line your business, let them pick out a treat, let them wear 2 different socks, let them change your life, and let them take chances...

Let them be little.

Let God use them in your life, let them help reveal your faults, let them help Him mold you, let them teach you patience, let them remind you about whats really important, let them come first, let them know how important they are, and let them soak up your energy...

Let them be little.

Let them run wild at the park, let them do things kids do without apologizing for them, let them act goofy, let them be carefree, and let them be themselves.

Let the calling of motherhood push you to your limit because that's where the growing happens - that's where you lean on Him more and see yourself clearer (something I'm learning lately).

Teach them, train them, and guide them. But most importantly, let them be little :).

The Victory Lap

That's what we call the round of kisses and "good nights" after the kids are finally in bed.

And just like runners high after a long run, I often feel that I could do a lap around the yard with "We Are The Champions" playing in the background after I've managed to get them all tucked in.

I don't though. Ok, once.

I wrestle them all (except Lincoln, the man needs some privacy) into the shower and move them through like an assembly line. Like I've mentioned before, there are times when I use that time to talk to them about life because I know I have them cornered and they are basically forced to listen to my teachings.

Not tonight though. Tonight one is whipping the other with a towel, one is using a whole roll of toilet paper, and one is crying cause she likes the taste of watermelon, but not the smell of it in her hair.

Those are all the little things that make you a tad looney at the time, but kind of crack you up later, am I right? At the time I'm all, "Stop whipping your sister!!". But after they are in bed I'm like, "Babe, did you see her wait till she least expected it?? Pure genius!".

 They are a giggly mess, and as funny as it is, I'm ready to blow through the baths and move right towards those sweet little loves getting some shut eye.

It's been a busy weekend, I am a tad worn out, and I've finally been reduced to only giving them instructions through my teeth...

"Just. Wash. Your. Hair."

"And. Then. Brush. Your. Teeth."

"Stop! Drinking! The! Water!"

 "No! I'm! Not! Mad!"

They stop pushing a tad because they know that when mom is pausing in between words that it usually means she's about to BLOW.

They're smart like that.

They all dry off and I'm now almost laughing at the madness as I collect the laundry and clean up the aftermath of bath time.

Oh, you don't laugh sometimes when you're at the edge of mommy sanity? Well, you should.

We've rounded the corner and the victory lap is almost ours for the taking. I pass the torch to Eric and he bathes Lincoln and we finish getting everyone in pj's.

They're all finally in bed. I kiss all those sweet smelling foreheads and pull the covers up - snug as a bug in a rug.

As I walk down the hall I hear talking, giggling, and anything else they can do to delay the inevitable - so I reach my last resort, I open the door and give them the stare.

You know the one.

The stare with the crazy eyes. Works like a charm.

They finally quiet down and I high five the husband on the way down the stairs. We've done it.

The race is completed for the day. So we rehydrate, kick our feet up, and prepare for tomorrow while our little bundles refuel for the next day.

The Victory Lap. It's a sweet, sweet gift :).

(Just wanted to document our routine so we can look back and laugh...someday.)

Easiest Side Ever

For real.

And while I'm sure almost all you have heard of this ingenious way to cook baked potatoes, I had to share anyway....just in case even 1 of you hasn't heard.

We eat a lot of them around here. The girls love them, they're cheap to buy, and they are a healthy option.

It's a win all the way around.

Well, I guess adding some toppings might take the healthy factor down a tad, but a potato without butter DOESN'T MAKE SENSE, right?

So anyway. Pop your potatoes in the crockpot (wrapped and poked with a fork), and let them cook on low for 8 hours or on high for 3-4 hours.

That's it. It's magical.

It is so great to have a side for dinner that I don't have to prep an hour before. Amen?

Cause, you know, pre-dinner time might also be a crazy time in this neck of the woods.

Just thought I'd share this little idea that has blessed my kitchen :).

Enjoy the weekend!

The Great Compare

Her license plate says "SuperMom".

I'd be lying if I said I didn't roll my eyes sometimes when I drive past it. Ok, all the time.

I sit on the side of the pool with my feet in the water and splash the girls and people watch and soak up the sun. I see her across the way and am again reminded how different our lives are - how she can now relax at the pool, work on her tan, and catch up with the regulars. I remember her from school, I remember that our achievements are very different, and I remember her hurtful comments last year when she caught wind that I was pregnant again.

I also remember that comparing does your heart no good.

I hold my baby close and my head high to prove that I believe in this journey I'm on.

I walk Lincoln up and down the 2 feet and he falls asleep on my shoulder and I remind myself to be proud. I may not have the free time she does, and even though I've run daily for a year, miles logged doesn't repair every little tiny change that came from housing and growing 6 miracles - and even if they did, I'm going to keep my one piece and remember that God and my husband think that modesty is admirable.

Although I constantly remind myself of the truth, comparison always steals my joy.

I rock the babe and spray sunscreen and pass out PB&J's. I brush off the insecurities of the season I'm in and the job I'm doing and the fact that that may be my child throwing a fit.

I may not be that mom, but I'm their mom. 

I hear her and other moms laugh and carry on while I listen to my girls giggle and talk about the diving boards. And I thank Him again - for this season, this process, and these lessons.

The more I thank Him, the more grateful I become.

I get passed by the socialites and passed judgement on and asked if he's my last. I let myself feel like I don't fit in when the only thing I need to be fitting into is His plan for me.

Am I consumed by my job? Sure. But even at the end of the day when the only thing I can whisper when my head hits the pillow is "Lord, give me strength and wisdom.", I still wouldn't trade it for anything.

Embracing where He has you leaves little room for comparison.
  
This isn't a season of loads of R&R or time alone. It is a time of chaos and chattering girls and sweating the small stuff even though they tell you not to. This season is about me being the mom that He created specifically for them, and realizing how green He has made the grass on our side.

Less comparing, and more focusing on these great kiddos. That's the plan :).

(Summer)

The kids officially smell of a mixture of chlorine and sunscreen when they lay their little heads down at night...

 

This pic pretty much sums up our week.

The pool. The sun on our faces. And tired kids at night.

It's been good for everyone :).

Hope you're having a great week!

The Mommy Identity

"I feel like I have nothing."

With tears in my eyes, I heard myself say it to him loud and clear in the middle of a disagreement. It hurt, it was ugly, and it was the opposite of what my soul has been saying over the recent years.

But I continued.

"Sometimes I feel like my whole existence is inside these walls. I just don't know what has happened to me. Didn't I have dreams and goals at one point? I am thankful for this role, but honestly, sometimes....I just feel like I've lost myself in it.

Does anyone even see me anymore?"

Thats the age old question of the mother who's in yoga pants, with her hair tied back, breaking up a fight, and carrying a laundry basket down the stairs while a crying child hangs on her leg.

(Good news, though. Even when we feel lost in motherhood, He still sees us.)

For as long as I can remember, I've wanted to be a mom. I've wanted to grow bundles of joy in my womb and I've wanted to have little arms to hug my neck.

I asked, and He answered, 6 times over.

I will forever feel undeserving of these amazing kiddos, and I will also forever proclaim that they are living proof of His grace in my life. Walking, talking, growing, and snugly grace.

But even though motherhood is nothing short of miraculous, it's easy to feel consumed and burnt out.

You know what God is teaching me, though? It's ok to feel burnt out.

It's ok to feel like you want something for yourself, it's ok to feel like you need a break, and its ok to feel like you might run screaming from your house.

God knew us moms would feel these things, none of those feelings surprise Him like they do us.

My people pleasing instinct is to paint this pretty picture of a life that is always filled with beautiful pictures of the kids and I sharing ice cream cones and braiding each others hair. But that is not real life. Real life is me breaking up arguments over who had the pink headband first, kids crying because we're not buying an icee, floors that need mopped, and a mother that often needs the biggest chill pill YOU'VE EVER SEEN.

Just being honest.

Sometimes I don't like to say all this out loud...cause that makes it real.

After all, what good mom gets burnt out? What good mom admits that she feels totally consumed by the day to day routines? And what good mother admits that some days she just wants to get in the car and drive away??

Hi, my name is Kate, and I'd like to admit those things - along with the fact that I sometimes feel swallowed whole by motherhood.

And while we're admitting things, I sometimes tell my kids that I have to use the restroom when I don't. And then there's those times when I walk at a glacier pace to return my shopping cart to the cart corral after I get my herd in the car. And ok, I'm not really resting my eyes, I am trying to catch a quick nap but I can't because A CHILD KEEPS POKING ME IN THE FACE.

Ahem.

The responsibility of motherhood is heavy - you have to reach a point where you realize it wasn't meant for you to carry alone. He wants to listen and help.

(I'm kinda talking to myself there.)

I think the magic moment is when you see and believe that every season and every journey is part of the bigger plan to make you who He wants you to be.

So ultimately it's not just about the kids, it's about God doing a work in you as well. We are a big part of the picture even though we're often covered up by sweet little loves and buried beneath embarrassing amounts of laundry.

"The days are long, but the years are short." I can't remember where I read that but I know it's true. So I'm taking every seasoned parents advice that "this time will go so fast" - even though it doesn't feel that way some days.

I don't have much "me time", but I do think I'm starting to see myself clearer. And I'm starting to see that motherhood is about me too, that my heart and my passions matter to Him just as much as the kids matter to me.

He's not just our God, but our Father, remember? And a Father cares about His child.

It's all grace. Messy, consuming, but amazing grace. I see now that He's using them to help mold me, as I try to mold them.

Motherhood

It's a wonder.

It's wanting to be the best mom, the fun mom, and the "yes" mom, but not fulfilling that some days.

It's singing lullabies at night, rocking babies to sleep, and kissing them just one more time before you go to bed.

It's putting your needs aside, rearranging your dreams for theirs, and thinking of them before yourself.

It's wanting them to grow up just like me and nothing like me all at the same time.

It's a room full of giggles, a cabinet full of colorful dishes, and little heads full of curls...

It's the house of hard knocks, the calling that can bring the most pain and the most joy, and a job that no college course could've prepped you for.

It's a walk in the park, it's holding those little hands, and seeing yourself in their eyes.

It's a test of your marriage, an option to grow closer together or further apart, and talking late into the night about the how's, the why's, and the when's.

It's being in control, being out of control, and constantly reminding yourself that God is in control.

It's you wanting your way, the husband wanting his, and the children wanting theirs.

It's a marathon.

It's focusing on Him, stepping back from all the nonsense, and giving all you got without distraction.

It's face painting at the fair, snow cones after lunch, and waking up and feeling like they all grew 3 inches overnight.

It's yelling when I shouldn't, feeling frazzled over the small stuff, and mommy guilt as far as the eye can see.

It's feeling tired, feeling consumed, feeling lost, but feeling blessed beyond what you deserve.

It's a journey of grace.

He didn't call us to motherhood to see how we would do, but because He knew we could do it. With His help, of course.

He cares about the day to day, the mundane, and the petty things. He cares about the potty training, the disciplining, and the sweeping of the crumbs.

So all the good, all the bad, and all the ugly is worth it.

Crazy, but worth it.

8 Things I Want You To Know

8 things on your 8th birthday.

And I know that you won't always want or welcome my advice, so I promise to try to refrain from constantly blurting out my opinions as you grow.

I said I'll try, I can't promise anything.

In the newness of this season I have learned a lot. A lot about waiting and listening. A lot about letting go and letting you grow. And a lot about how I try to control things that were never meant to be in my control.

Motherhood is humbling, sweetie. It's a journey of grace, and love, and joy, and pain, and sleepless nights. It's dancing in the rain, and soaking up the small stuff.

And just as I blink and remember my 23yr old belly swollen with your newborn goodness, I also know I'll blink and we'll be ten years from now.

8 things, honey. 8 things that I want you to remember as you grow...

You are unique. Unique among your siblings, and unique among your peers. You won't be any good at being someone else, but you will be great at being you. Embrace the beauty that God created when He knit you together. Inside and out.

Everyone is not doing it. Not everyone is acting that way. Not everyone talks like that. And not everyone thinks its cool. Be a leader.

You are worth it. You are worth that dream you want to chase, that goal you want to reach, and anything else your little heart desires. You are worth waiting for, worth fighting for, and worth the respect of others (especially the boys, my dear). You are worth it because He says so.

Don't be a gossip. You don't want to be that girl. It never ends well. God wants your words to be full of grace.

Focus on your heart, not your appearance. Modesty is admirable. The pressure from our culture can be nasty, be prepared to fight for what you know is true. The state of your heart is more important than your size, or choice in designer clothes - you are more important than a number. And at the end of the day, people want to be with someone who's heart is full of passion and joy...not with someone who only talks about her image or lack there of.

I am your mother, not your friend. This is a hard one for me because I really want you to like me and I know that sometimes you won't. For now though, it's my job to raise you. We'll laugh and talk and shop like girlfriends later. I can't wait.

Show grace. Love people even when they're not your favorite people. Everyone needs Him and you never know what the kid next to you is dealing with. Nothing trumps the grace that He has shown us. It truly is amazing grace, Ella - don't ever let anyone tell you different. Share it with everyone.

I'm here. Anytime you need me. Anytime you need to talk or cry or rejoice, I'm here. I want to know whats happening in your little world. I will wait for you to tell me and I'll try to accept the times that you don't. Just know that I hurt when you hurt, and I rejoice when you rejoice. Tell me all about life, I'll listen.

I love ya, baby.

Yes, you'll always be my baby. And no, I won't call you that in front of your friends anymore.

There is nothing I wouldn't do, no fight I wouldn't fight, and no other earthly love like the one I have for you.  It is unique and mysterious and a gift from Him.

You made me a mother 8 years ago, and ever since it has been a gift to watch you grow into the smart and loving girl that you are.

Happy 8th Birthday, my sweet Ella.

Love,

your mama

A Full Weekend

We had a packed weekend full of celebrations for my Ella girl. More on all that jazz later.

I just had to post these pics real quick of Lincoln and his rock collecting habit...

Yes, I am really entertained by all the new-to-me boyish qualities. Is it obvious?? Bear with me, friends :).

Of all the boy traits, I think the playing in the dirt and picking up rocks will be one of my favorites.

And clearly, it's also his...

Love him :).

The Store With The Kiddos

I ventured to the grocery with the kids in tow today. I had high hopes. And dreams. And ambitions. And a list.

The list is crucial. However, sticking to it is optional.

It was a necessary trip, we needed the basics and few things we just can't do without. Like coffee. Remember when I gave up caffeine? Well, I lost that fight.

As the kiddos grow and become more adventurous, I have started to appreciate my quiet nights when I go to the store after bedtime and wonder the aisles alone. It was easy when I could dish out goldfish or a pacifier, but now there are questions, wants, neeeeeeeds, the touching of all things glass, and incessant talking on a shopping trip.

We're like a traveling slumber party :).

They said my name 29 times in the car during the 11 minute drive. 29 times. I counted. Only a child can do that, it's a quality that is unique to their species.

As much as I love Target, I swear that red bulls eye sends a crazy surge through the kids. It's a conspiracy. The more rowdy they are, the more mindless shopping I will do.

Hence the problem of going in for 8 things and coming out with 30.

I like to think I know them really well, but there are some things about children that will always remain a mystery.

I'll never understand why they have to touch everything, open every freezer door, or why we have to talk (loudly) about tampons from the moment we pass the aisle till the moment we check out. The 8yr old, has SO MANY questions - that I can and will answer when we aren't in the company of the young stock guy who is filling the shelves.

And speaking of shelves, Lincoln is freakishly good at clearing them off from the front of the cart. He'd be unstoppable on the game show Supermarket Sweep. Remember that? Is it odd that I loved it when I was younger? Maybe a little?

Kinley carried a donkey pinata through the whole store. We weren't buying it, but she looked so stinkin' cute carrying it, so I didn't fight it.

Across the way I see a fellow mom lean down and say something through her teeth to a child that is dropping popcorn on the ground and then stepping on it, and I smile and nod. The mom nod, our secret "I understand" notion to each other.

I pass the arts and craft aisle as quickly as possible, as in it's just a red blur as you see my cart zoom by - because the kids looove that aisle. And as much as I would like to pretend that I am that mom who lets her kids pick out craft supplies so we can make happy-best mom ever-craft memories together, I don't. I try to, but it always ends up like this...

These days, I like to stick to activities where I don't have to hose them off in the backyard or mop the kitchen afterwards.

And alas, the cart is full, we are at the back of the store, and someone has to pee. Friends, this is when society takes me out of the running for Mom Of The Year. I bend down to my 3yr old and say,

"If you really don't have to go, and you're just wanting to check out the bathroom (because isn't that always the case??), I'm going to go off the deep end."

To which she replies, "Like the deep end at the pool?? Cool!!"

(sigh, someone please escort me to a room where I can scream freely for a few minutes.)

"Yes, baby, kind of like the pool." Only a child can remind you that your attitude could use a good laugh and some patience. I think God puts those innocent statements in there to remind us how little they are. Always grace, even when they are exhausting.

So I remind myself that He only asks me to do the next thing, and I take a deep breath and carry on with my sweet crew.

And then I quietly pray for some free time to go by myself next time :).