Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Delight In Him, Delight In Them

The house is finally quiet after a full day of running and laughter and Fall festivities.

Motherhood continues to prove to be a full time job, times 100, just like all those seasoned mothers told me it would be :). Lately, I have heard myself often say, "I can't really get anything done because they are always needing me...they're always on top of me!"

I love that they need me, I would venture to say that that is one of the best feelings as a mother. But it does get kind of hard to juggle everything else at the same time, yes?

The housework has gotten behind, and I have washed the same load of laundry 3 times in the past 2 days. You should see the toys all over the basement floor, the crumbs under my kitchen table, the dishes that are piling up, and the baskets of laundry that are begging to be folded and put away.

You should also see this time consuming gift...

And maybe hear the joy that comes from these kiddos that are so full of life and other things that are so much more important than my sticky kitchen floor.

They may not see how hard I work or how it frustrates my mommy heart that I am falling behind on all things housework, but they do know how much I love them. And that is whats important these days. I like my house, but I love the people in it. So I'm going to take care of them first.

They aren't the interruption, everything else is.

They send me to bed at night pretty worn out. But in that tiredness, I know that I have given all I could to them that day, and I think that is essentially my job. During the day as I think of my to-do list I keep praying, "help me to delight in them, not in a perfect home."

Delight in Him, delight in them. Not in other things that can wait.

It's my motto on these long (but oh so rewarding) mommy days :).

Monday, October 22, 2012

Jealous For Me

He is jealous for me.

I love that song (How He Loves Us), I've been listening to it non stop lately. I'm sure it's clear around these parts that my time to post often like I used to has passed. I want to, but the kids, and the house, and every other detail of our life is keeping me running every single minute. Maybe some weeks will come with five little stories of what we're up to, and some will come with just one.

I like to keep things exciting like that. I'm such a game changer.

(sarcasm, laughter...they are my friends)

But all I can say today is that my heart is clinging to the Lord amidst the ever changing story that is our foster to adopt process. Nothing big has changed, except the fact that our close friends and family have received our reference papers which means that THEY ARE PROCESSING US. Yay!! That little bit of info made me smile.

I've been feeling pulled out of the typical things of my normal day to day existence that tend to make my thinking foggy. I love my laptop, but you know, sometimes you need a breather from the opinion of everyone else on the planet. Because my mind and my heart are only able to process 2 things right now: My family, and my future family.

It's hard to explain, so please bear with me if you've never walked this path. I had to take some things down by our visitation building the other day, and the drive and the scene always stings a little. An area that I used to always avoid at all costs is now a place that hits close to home. Believe me, I know there are worse places in the world to live. I have friends that have adopted out of third world countries, and I know there are other cities worse than the worst streets in our town. But it still hurts to know that she's out there...he's out there...they are out there.

And even though they won't be ours right away, I still have this huge desire to see them, and squeeze them, and love them fearlessly. No matter what the outcome.

Alone and abandoned, or abused and hungry, or growing in a womb that is filled with harm. The list goes on. You may not even want to know some of the things that are happening mere miles from your home. This broken world can be a scary place.

Yesterday I was out running errands and picking some things up at Babies R Us. And yes, I am that woman that goes in there for sippy cups, and comes out wanting another baby. I'm a fool for Johnson's baby soap and newborn diapers. Even the nursing and pumping stuff makes me miss my newborns.

Clearly, I should be on medicine.


There was this blanket that I have wanted for so long that would just keep a new little one SO warm. It doesn't even have to be a baby, a toddler would just snuggle right into it as well. So I picked it up and added it to my cart only to circle back around and put it back. I kept telling myself that I was getting to attached to this feeling in my heart and that I was bordering crazy since I was picking things out for a child I haven't met...and may not keep.

You may have picked up on this, but I am one of those gals who loves the pregnancy thing. I do. The anticipation, the round belly, the feeling of grace literally growing inside of me, it all just overwhelms this girl. But here I am, picking things out, and feeling that same love for a child I'm not carrying for 9 months...a child I don't even know yet. There is this desire inside of me that wants to hold them just as badly as I wanted to hold our biological kids when the doctor delivered them.

That is a God thing going on in my heart.

When I got in the car and started driving I realized, this is God preparing me. This feeling, this aching in my heart is Him rearranging things and making room for me to love beyond what I thought I could. It's Him.

It has taken a situation that is so far out of my realm of comfort to remind me that He is jealous for me. If you aren't totally dependent on Him, He'll gently stir the pot and hand you a situation so you see what you really need to focus on...Him.

I spend SO much time on things that don't matter, friends. I find my worth in the world and what the TV says and what I "should" be doing and from status's on Facebook. I always have to remind myself of what is true. The GREAT news is that He doesn't want you trying to live someone else's story, He wants you to live yours.

I am in a season where I have to silence all outside noise and focus on His plan and His story for us. Because if I look away, I am sure to miss something. He is jealous of my time, of what my heart chases after, and what I let myself be consumed with. And I am really seeing that now so clearly. Thankful that we are loved so much, and praying that we can share even a glimpse of that love with the new little loves He brings through our front door.

But for now, I will wait. And I'll pray for us...and for her...and for him...and for them. Whoever they are. Whoever He's preparing for us.

Happy Monday, friends. Thanks for sticking around for the ramblings :).

Friday, October 19, 2012

I Promise I Won't Start Decorating Yet

But if you know me, you know the holidays will eventually bring out the festive side of me.

I might as well wear ugly Christmas sweaters from late November through January.

So anyway, last night I came across this Christmas pic of my little man from last year...

Is there anything better than baby feet?? And combined with Christmas lights?? It's like hitting the holiday jackpot.

It made me kind of excited for festivities and decorations and MUSIC that are coming soon!

I know, Halloween isn't here yet, I'll try to resist the urge to rush into it :).

Thursday, October 18, 2012

A Good Kind Of Busy

The leaves out back are absolutely beautiful.

I've been soaking up the Fall weather these last couple weeks with the kiddos when we are all fever free for a moment. The sickness is still here, Kinley and Raya have high fevers. I'm telling ya, in a houseful of little's, these bugs spread like wildfire! Poor babies! I've been coughed on and dry heaved on and leaned on as the fevers rip through those little bodies. All duties of the mom job.

This past week has been one of those weeks when you feel so out of touch with the rest of the world. I try to catch up on things, but honestly, there just isn't a lot of time outside of the kids. I am full with them...

and full with him...

and hopefully, eventually, full with another one(s) that my heart is so anxious for.

I know, I know, I shouldn't let myself go to that place when we all know that there are no guarantees in foster care. And I know I should guard my heart as we embark on this indefinite foster to adopt journey.

But sometimes putting your heart out there is the only way to fully take in what God is teaching you.

We haven't really overloaded our schedule lately, it just turns out that raising 6 kids keeps me busy a lot of the time. Who knew :)!? Embracing our full house has left little time for other things these days. Me time is rare, but I am thankful for these little gifts that fill my minutes. I see that I am most content when I am wholly invested in the kids and this calling He has for me - not looking for other things to fill me up. This is where I belong right now...this is my season.

Right now I have time to sit on the bathroom floor with a croupy kid while the steam from the shower calms my her cough. I have time for 5 nights of soccer and swim team, and time that my older girls need my attention and direction on a deeper level. I now have priorities that I thought I cared so much about that have taken a back seat to motherhood.

They need me. Way more than I need anything else right now.

Being a mom is a time consuming and selfless calling that we will look back on someday and wish for days where they could be little again. Someday we'll have all the time we could ever hope for (as in, maybe we'll actually pee alone). But right now we're in the foggy season of parenting where you don't remember who got up with who in the middle of the night, and when you wash your hair twice in the shower because you keep forgetting if you've already washed it.

Seriously, I'm low on shampoo.

We're busy, and most days we're left trying to catch our breath, but it's beautiful. Hidden behind a half dozen miracles. Buried under a houseful of laundry and giggles and grace.

Thankful for this full life. Although I'd also be thankful for a mini vacation here and there. For real :).

I'm off for now. Till later, friends!

Monday, October 15, 2012

Trying To Catch My Breath

The short story is we're sick.

That's the long story too.

I am up to my eyeballs in croup, strep, and bottles of Motrin. The girls are sick, and I've been sick. I think that means it's officially Fall over here :).

I've also been in the midst of my busiest photography season to date. Which is good, but crazy. Luckily I have some amazingly sweet people to work with, so the craziness is totally worth it...

So I'm editing and wiping noses and taking temperatures. I am going to keep one of the girls in our room tonight because she is oh so sick. Pray that her high fever comes down...please?

Well, just wanted to check in here in blogland. But I'm off now to go take care of one of my babies.

Back soon!

Thursday, October 11, 2012

(18 Months)

How is that possible?

Can I tell you what I LOVE?? That he could be a big brother at some point - he would be so good at it :).

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

It's A Good Thing

It's a good thing my worth doesn't come from my mothering skills, or my ability to cook all organic meals, or my attempts to raise perfect kids who never throw fits in public.

It's a good thing my worth is in Him.

When the days are long as I try to raise up these sweet kiddos, it's a good thing my worth isn't determined by the amount of laundry that has yet to be put away, or how sticky my kitchen floor is, or whether my bathrooms are sparkling clean.

It's a great thing that my worth is in Him.

It's a good thing my worth doesn't come from other people's opinions or views. My worth isn't found in what the world thinks, and it doesn't come from statistics, social norms, or from what others think I should be doing. My worth isn't affected by my tendency to worry or the times I believe lies that tell me I can't do things He's called us to (we can do all things through Him!).

It's a beautiful thing that my worth comes from Him.

My worth doesn't come from my limited gym time or a size. It doesn't come from how fancy my house is or how beautiful my home decor is. It's not from any one's approval, or from my housekeeping skills, or if I can make it to every class party at school, or if I do fancy crafts everyday with my kiddos.

My worth is from Him.

It's not in things, or in people, or in my efforts. It's in Him.

And that is such grace. Such saving and reassuring grace. Praying He keeps reminding me of that today.

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Spending Some Time With My Babies


All went well at our walk through on Friday! Yay! We are now being processed and will most likely not be up for vacancy till mid to late next month. So we wait - which if you've been here long, you know I am such a patient person who LOVES to wait.

Kidding. Patience and I aren't close. But I'm working on that relationship.

It's good that we have some time to just sit and pray and prepare. I have so many emotions stirring on the inside about this whole situation that I think a little down time might do me good.

But other than that good stuff, our days have been filled with a whole lot of normal. It's wonderful. The older girls have had school and I have been loving my time with the younger 3. I have been realizing that this time with just them is so rare and I need to take full advantage of it.

I have to admit that when the school year started I kept thinking to myself, "Oh my word, I will only have 3 at home...I will get so much done!". But Fall activities have been keeping me so busy, and that idea of getting so much done has faded as I've started noticing how much Kinley and Raya are loving having me to themselves for some of the day.

Lincoln loves it too, I assume. But he basically loves everything.

I had visions of a spotless house and a laundry system that is always running perfectly. I even planned on running errands on certain mornings and keeping a set schedule of some sort. But I have started putting my to-do lists and other things on the back burner, and replacing them with early morning cartoons, adventuring out and about, playing doll house, gathering leaves, and jumping on the trampoline with my littlest loves.

Well, they jump on the trampoline. I've had 3 c-sections, so my post baby bladder and I just watch. You understand.

It's been a good reminder to always look for those windows of time to focus on each kid - not view it as time for me to get stuff done that can be done any other time. So we're going to continue learning some preschool stuff, chasing Lincoln around the couch till he giggles so much he has to stop, enjoying Fall, and baking some pumpkin muffins (their favorite).

I love Fall, even though its such a busy season around here. It's still definitely one of my favorite times of the year!

Hope you're all having a great week!