Thursday, October 14, 2010

I Play The Mom Card

And I hover - a lot. I do. I can't help it.

In fact, I swear when Ella's school see's me coming they say, "Oh mercy, here comes Mrs. P, again. Wonder what she is over analyzing now??"

But just for the record, I don't care if they do. That is my child that God has entrusted to me. And I will ask questions and show up when I want to. Know why? Because I'm her mom, that's why!

I play the mom card all the time.

When I was a senior in High School, my friends and I gave my mom, Judy, a nickname - The Judge. Judge Judy to be more specific - I laugh even thinking of it now. We always knew where she stood, and she played no games, but we all loved her - she was fun, and genuine. If you knew me all those years ago, you might remember that a good amount of parental control was a good thing for me. I was a good kid and all, but...let's just say I had a wild streak.

I rarely got away with anything - and even when I thought I did, she really knew all along. I would've never tried to hop out my window cause I knew that woman would be standing in the yard on the other side. I was annoyed and there were definitely times I thought she was crazy, but I never doubted once that she had my best interest at heart. I knew she followed me close cause she loved me.

And when I asked her to back off, she played the mom card.

I can't thank her enough for that.

And now, I have Ella. This little girl who still falls into the "one of my babies" category, is growing - fast. She is only in the 1st grade, and yet I feel sometimes like I'm talking to a 12 year old. She's always been mature for her age, and she has always been very articulate - and I love that about her, she is such a big help. But it's like I'm having trouble accepting that she is growing, coming into her own, and letting go a little. She wants more privileges and a little less hovering by mom.

I feel her independent will pulling away a little - ready to grow, and ready for more.

So I hover - and hold on tightly, and play the mom card, and tell her what to eat for lunch and what kind of milk to buy. I don't even like to let her go on a play date because I don't know what she's doing exactly, or what snack they're eating, or what might come on the TV while she's there.

I know. I'm crazy.

I tell myself that it's good to follow closely, that that's what "good mom's" do. But can I follow too close? Try to have to much control? Make her feel that she just wants a breather from me as she gets older? Oh I hope not. I want that healthy combination that my mom had with me.

So I keep going. Trying to figure out this raising kids gig as I go. Hoping I make some good decisions somewhere along the line, and pray that God will guide me.

I guess the good news is, is that I have a lot of other mama's who feel/or have felt the same way, right??


This Heavenly Life said...

I feel like this all the time, Kate! It's hard to know what that balance of aware/present/in-charge and hands-off/let-grow/give-time is. (That was quite convoluted...)

Anyway, I want to have as close of a relationship with my daughters as I did with my mom, and I have no idea how to do that. I hover, too.

But I DO think it'll get easier with time. We're still rookie moms in the grand scheme of life, and we have time to grow into these things. I hope!

Mama D.'s Dozen said...

Oh yes! It's always a balancing act. I was actually just chatting about this with my husband this evening ... in dealing with a 17 year old. He needs boundaries and consequences ... but we don't want to push him away by being to controlling.

I have a GREAT relationship with my 6 young adults and 2 teens (and, most of the young ones). But, we've definitely had our times ... times where they want to push me away a bit, and times that they really want me to take charge, but I want them to "grow up and make their own decisions".

I think of it as a dance ... the Mommy Dance ... two steps in this direction, one step back, a slide this way or that ... Keep trusting the Lord and He will show you which steps to take. And, even if you misstep now and then, He'll get you right back out on the dance floor.

You're a GREAT mommy, and I am sure that you will follow in your mom's footsteps to a wonderful relationship with each of your beautiful daughters!



Stacey @ Tree, Root, and Twig said...

Oh, I totally get this! I was just talking to my 16yo daughter about it last night. I explained that birthing her did not make me a mother. The fact that Heavenly Father chose *me* to birth *her,* that's what made me a mother. And I need to report to him for the job I'm doing. So...even though I can relate to a lot of the things she's going through, I still need to hold her accountable and do the job I was sent to do. I play the Mom Card all the time! I told her that even though she'd like me better if I backed off now, she'll thank me later that I did my job right. :)

Miss said...

oh I understand how hard that balance is to find...I wonder if we ever truly do? i mean, I wonder if your mom knew she had that balance figured out when you were young? or if it's only now that you are older and tell her she had the right balance that she knows! =)

Susie B. Homemaker said...

My sister and her oldest boy have me thinking about this a lot. He's a senior in High School and has always been a good kid, but is now rebelling & even just moved out! :o I know it's a long ways off since my oldest is only in Kindergarten but I also worry about the ways I'm shaping her now... being too stifling and then having that rebellious teenager. Ugh, what's a parent to do...

Marisa said...

We haven't felt that too much here yet, but I know it's coming. It's so hard to imagine life with them not needing me so much (or wanting me so much). You are doing a great job and the over-sized dark sunglasses are for the "letting go" days ;)

Anonymous said...

To my dear daughter, thank you for letting me play the Mom card. I always felt it was my job, and as I've mentioned to you, "children don't come with an instruction booklet". You just love them unconditionally, let them know that anything is "fixable" with time, and pray that God will guide you with wisdom in what you say and do. I've never felt that I had all the answers, that is for sure! But our relationship is one of the most prized positions in my life and I wouldn't trade any of those "growing pains" times for anything. We stood together thru all the hard times with love and respect for each other. You are a wonderful Mother and that's my reward for "standing out in the yard"! HA! I love you, Mom

becky said...

I love this post! Your mom is truly one of the greatest women I've ever known. She has been such a wonderful role model for you. And watching you with your girls, I can tell you that you are an amazing mother, too, and you possess so many of the wonderful traits of your mom. So, I have no doubt that you will continue to mother those little ladies with nothing but love and their best interests at heart, and when they grow up, they will adore you as much as you still adore your mom.

trooppetrie said...

i feel this way all the time. I love being a mom and hope my kids know they can come to me anytime