I Play The Mom Card

And I hover - a lot. I do. I can't help it.

In fact, I swear when Ella's school see's me coming they say, "Oh mercy, here comes Mrs. P, again. Wonder what she is over analyzing now??"

But just for the record, I don't care if they do. That is my child that God has entrusted to me. And I will ask questions and show up when I want to. Know why? Because I'm her mom, that's why!

I play the mom card all the time.

When I was a senior in High School, my friends and I gave my mom, Judy, a nickname - The Judge. Judge Judy to be more specific - I laugh even thinking of it now. We always knew where she stood, and she played no games, but we all loved her - she was fun, and genuine. If you knew me all those years ago, you might remember that a good amount of parental control was a good thing for me. I was a good kid and all, but...let's just say I had a wild streak.

I rarely got away with anything - and even when I thought I did, she really knew all along. I would've never tried to hop out my window cause I knew that woman would be standing in the yard on the other side. I was annoyed and there were definitely times I thought she was crazy, but I never doubted once that she had my best interest at heart. I knew she followed me close cause she loved me.

And when I asked her to back off, she played the mom card.

I can't thank her enough for that.

And now, I have Ella. This little girl who still falls into the "one of my babies" category, is growing - fast. She is only in the 1st grade, and yet I feel sometimes like I'm talking to a 12 year old. She's always been mature for her age, and she has always been very articulate - and I love that about her, she is such a big help. But it's like I'm having trouble accepting that she is growing, coming into her own, and letting go a little. She wants more privileges and a little less hovering by mom.

I feel her independent will pulling away a little - ready to grow, and ready for more.

So I hover - and hold on tightly, and play the mom card, and tell her what to eat for lunch and what kind of milk to buy. I don't even like to let her go on a play date because I don't know what she's doing exactly, or what snack they're eating, or what might come on the TV while she's there.

I know. I'm crazy.

I tell myself that it's good to follow closely, that that's what "good mom's" do. But can I follow too close? Try to have to much control? Make her feel that she just wants a breather from me as she gets older? Oh I hope not. I want that healthy combination that my mom had with me.

So I keep going. Trying to figure out this raising kids gig as I go. Hoping I make some good decisions somewhere along the line, and pray that God will guide me.

I guess the good news is, is that I have a lot of other mama's who feel/or have felt the same way, right??