Tuesday, January 5, 2010

A Cross Mother

Today has truly been a "I should be fired, with no option of re-hire" kind of day.

I so badly want to pretend that I never yell at my girls, and I never lose my patience. I want to write about bows and funny times at Target. But the only thing that I could think of tonight when I sat down at my computer was, "just confess that you've been a crappy mom today!" So there it is.

I've been a crappy mom today.

(excuse me while I go swallow my pride.)

Oh I yelled at the girls - taking my stress out on those sweet little savvies...when they don't deserve it.

So I thought I'd post a prayer/poem that my mom gave me, she kept it close while we were growing up. I'm sure some of you have read it before. It's a good one...

A Prayer For Cross Mothers

Oh God, I was so cross to the children today. Forgive me. I was discouraged and tired - and I took it out on them. Forgive my bad temper, my impatience, and most of all, my yelling. I am so ashamed as I think of it.

I want to kneel down by each of their beds, wake them and ask them to forgive me, but I can't.

They wouldn't understand. I must go on living with the memory of this awful day, and my unjust tirades.

Hours later I can still see the fear in their eyes as they scurried around trying to appease me, thinking my anger and raving was their fault.

Oh, God, the helplessness of children. Their innocence before the awful monster - the enraged adult.

And how forgiving they are, hugging me so fervently at bedtime, kissing me goodnight.

All I can do is straighten a cover, touch a small head burrowed into a pillow, and hope with all my heart that they will forgive me.

Lord, in failing these little ones that you have put in my keeping, I am failing You. Please let your infinite patience and goodness replenish me for tomorrow."
-Majorie Holmes

16 comments:

Shiny said...

This made me cry - I had one of those Crappy days myself! =o( Thanks for sharing!

Tina Michelle said...

I love that saying. Everyone has those days. MOtherhood is a tireless, neverending, no vacation kind of job that is forever great and wonderful yet so hard and unappreciated. You have many more good days than bed so relax in the memory of the good ones over the bad.

Miss said...

I am breathing in the sweet air of honesty....good for you@

not for yelling, but for admitting =)

Laurel said...

So sorry you had a bad day.

You can ask forgiveness. Your girls will understand.

Hoping that tomorrow is a BETTER DAY!


Hugs!

mama of many ... who HAS yelled at her kids once or twice. :)

bass family said...

Thank you for your honesty and vulnerability... you are NOT ALONE! I never, ever thought I would be a "yell-er" - I've never been a "yell-er" in my life... until I had crazy twins who were into anything and everything... sometimes the only way to stop them from biting each other across the room is to yell!! I constantly try to work on this, and constantly fail. So many times, my prayer at night is "Lord please redeem my mistakes in the lives of my children." I apologize and ask for forgiveness frequently... but like I told my husband, at some point I need to just GET IT RIGHT instead of always apologizing. Anyway... just my thoughts for today... hope it encourages you that you are not alone. Just remember that you are a GREAT MOM!

heather@it'stwinsanity said...

Just what I needed to read this morning.

Anonymous said...

Time for an Elsa's break? Txt me

Jessica said...

That was such beautiful honesty. I think every mom (if she was being truthful) would say that she has lost it a time or two (or many more) Thank you for sharing!!

Amy@My Front Porch said...

I can not even begin to tell you how timely this was...I just got through being a very cross mommy with my baby girl and was instantly shamed. I loved the prayer -- I'm going to print that off and keep it handy for days like this. Thanks for your honesty! It helps to know other people have moments like this too!

mandbrid said...

I've never read that....wow. It's beautiful!

I've been there myself - many times. It's incredibly humbling how quick they are to forgive.

Marisa said...

Oh, how I can relate and how I hate days like that! But, remember Kate, His mercies are new every morning. Go ahead and ask for forgiveness. I think it can go a long way even with younger kiddos. They have an amazing way of extending grace. And somehow within that I've found it easier to forgive myself.

Savvy Little Women - Kate said...

I am sooo thankful and encouraged by your thoughts - glad I'm not the only one who has days like this!!

Lenae said...

The poem brought tears to my eyes. I'm printing it out for my own cross days (too many to count!) And I'll echo others' words and say thank you for your honesty! It's refreshing!

H-Mama said...

you are definitely not the only one who has had days like this. i ask forgiveness from my girlies and they are more than receiving. (((hugs to you))) motherhood is a hard job. pat yourself on the back extra on the good days... because i'm sure there are many. tomorrow is another day. ;)

Jenn @ A Country Girl's Ramblings said...

I hate crappy days! They can come on so quickly when you are stressed or tired. Marisa said it best, ask you children to forgive you and the Lord. Then forgive yourself and start fresh.

Krista said...

Oh my goodness - that prayer brought a tear to my eye (would have been tearS, but I try really hard not to cry). Thank you so much for sharing!