Tuesday, September 15, 2009

On The Outside Looking In

That is the best way I can describe it.

Sometimes life here is:
...super busy...
and most of all, it is not the "social norm". Mostly because of our multiples situation.

Don't get me wrong, I don't expect everyone to live the same life. But sometimes, for some reason, I let myself watch, and compare, with other families, moms, friends, etc.

I often think:
"is their life just as crazy...but in a different way?"
"is money tight for them too?"
"are they facing hard decisions like we are...but for different circumstances?"
"do they feel overwhelmed...but by different things?"
"are their marriages less than perfect?"
"why does she look so put together all the time?"
"why does she get to go to the gym during preschool?"
"why do I insist on wearing clothes that look like I should be in a gym??"
"why are you looking at me so stinkin' strange - yes I am wearing a baby and carrying a baby!!"

And for the love of all that is Holy...

"seriously, why do you care so much if we are "done" or not - please stop asking, "are you done, yet?!" Done what? Having beautiful, sweet little girls!? Never!! (that is what I want to say) Would that be unacceptable if we weren't done?? And why is it your business!!??? Ahhhhh!!"

Ahem, sorry. I just needed to get that last one out. A girl's gotta vent, right?

So anyway, I don't want to go on and on. But I just wanted to be real and honest. Life isn't always easy, and God never said it would be completely smooth. But what He did do, is give me a life that I am completely undeserving of...even if it gets rocky sometimes.

It's easy to get in a "funk." The hard part for me, is getting out. I know I'm not on the outside (well maybe a little), but it is so easy to isolate yourself when you feel like no one understands, when life gets a little rough, or when it's downright exhausting. We just need to hang in there, and keep going, right?

If you have made it this far in the post, thanks for reading what might be the most random post you will read all day. But most importantly, thanks for listening.

Hope you all are having a great week so far :).


bass family said...

Oh sweet friend... hang in there and know that you are not alone! I cannot imagine if Lauren had been twins... I already get so many looks and comments. And I wonder all the time - why does everyone else seem to handle parenting so much more gracefully than me?! But what I'm learning (or at least trying to learn!) is that every kid is different, every parent is different, and every family is different. And different isn't bad! So we do the best we can, and try not to worry about the rest. I am praying for you this morning and hoping you have a REALLY GREAT day!

{The Christian's} said...

One of my favorite posts! Although I have to say, my life is fantastic and so is my husband and kids...they are perfect!

Okay...I was cracking up laughing while typing that, I was referencing our phone conversation awhile back. lol

I have been in a funk so many times! Especially now with all of the chaos going on w/ the move...I don't feel settled and it is hard to get into a routine we are managing though and I know we will get through it...only a few more weeks!

Miss said...

mmmm...I love this. I have spent ALOT of time praying that I wont try to compare myself b.c I will NEVER be able to be comparable to anyone else or any other situation...but man is it HARD

ESPECIALLY when they "seem" to have it all together I and I know how much I don't

So, should we take it a step further and post exactly HOW we don't have it together??? I dare you! =) I just might have to do that! (first, I might want to narrow the list as to not scare all those who know me irl! haha)

you are AWESOME!!

Tina said...

I think everyone goes through that comparing stage. I sure do. I hate it when I do it to myself because it makes me second guess parenting decisions the most when I begin comparing.

I only have 3 kids and I get that question repeatedly and it drives me insane. The worst was, "you know what causes that right?!" Oh and "Do you own a tv?"

Yeah those things drove me completely nuts but you just smile, nod and move on. Good luck with it all.

Jennifer T. said...

My life is far from conventional as well and it can be complicated/frustrating sometimes. But hey, so much better than a boring "normal" life, whatever that is! (And isn't it nice to have a place to vent!)

"Mother" to 41 and counting (of course I want more)...

Miss said...

ok...I did it. I aired my imperfect laundry! =)

Eva said...

I'll pray for you. I know how you feel {minus the twins, etc} about feeling less than perfect {though people think that is how my life looks}, feeling like I'm in a funk. Having a less than perfect marriage {yet from the outside it looks fantastic} Being busy, busy, busy. etc. I'll pray for you {and for me}.
Hope you are blessed with a wonderful day... a day of refreshing.

Laurel said...

Right there with you! Our family is anything but "normal".

I will not be "done" loving on children until the day that the Lord calls me home ... whether I birth the children, adopt the children, just "mother" other's children, ... I will always be a "mom to many" and there couldn't be a better "job" in the world. (Except, maybe "grandma" ... which I haven't had the privilege of trying out yet."


mama of 13

jenny said...

Thanks so much for your honesty, Kate. I can't even imagine how busy and yet, how rewarding your life with 5 littles 5 and under must be. I truly think you handle the whole situation with such ease and grace. I tell people all the time that "you should see how well my friend, Kate, balances her life and always with no complaining". I know our circumstances are different, but I cannot even tell you how much I have had to take things like this to the Lord in prayer...it is so hard not to get discouraged as a mom especially when our situations don't fit the cultural norm or the typical path of life. Hang in there and know that I feel the funk thing too and am right there with you on not having it all together. :)

susanc said...

Kate... all I'm going to say is that we are living the same life right now. I should just cut & paste your post but insert a photo of my boys!!!!

we'll be fine..... you are amazing. One set of twins is great, and you do two!
Please make yourself a cup of tea from me, sit down {for a split second because we both know you won't finish it} and just look at how far you've come.

now I'm off to do my post like Miss did xxxxxxxx

Marisa said...

Hey girl! I think you are an amazing woman! You pull off a lot with 5 little ones. Don't be too hard on yourself!

Amy@My Front Porch said...

You are not alone! I often feel that way and I only have one child, not 5!

I have to constantly remind myself that the people who seem to have it all together, probably have moments of insecurity lurking under the surface just like I do!