Thursday, July 19, 2012

The Mommy Classifieds

I believe this is the classified ad we all circled with a highlighter and then applied for.

Duties and Job requirements are as followed.

- Must abide by the No Privacy Law that goes into effect when you accept the Mommy title.

-  You will need to add 10 minutes to your allotted time for errands because you will now be forced into every public bathroom in every store you walk into. And no, the children don't actually have to go, they just want to check it out.

- You must be able to deal with this situation...

We don't know, we think the dryer is eating the matches. You'll be required to figure out what and where the problem is.

- You are allowed to make phone calls. But the children will start screaming the minute you pick up the phone, and miraculously fully entertain themselves the moment you hang up.

- Picking up unearthly amounts of toys repeatedly will be a daily chore...

Be prepared to organize the toys while the children continue to get out what you just put away.

- There is a sticky, mystery substance in the carpet by the stairs. That's all you.

- You must be able to answer consecutive and never ending personal questions. These include but are not limited to: your weight, why you chose to wear those pants, if you know that your breath smells bad, and anything else the children see fit.

- All meetings will be held at Chickfila.

- The laundry wins. Always. Even though you may be a real go getter, there is no household force like the laundry. Do your best, and when the pile gets taller than you are, just look away.


Look away, I tell you. 

- There will be a bonus and a "Employee Of The Month" plaque made with your name on it if you can go 3 solid hours without raising your voice. Talking through your teeth to the children still counts as a "normal" tone. 

 - Remember when you used to sit down and eat? That's going to change.

- Experience in waitressing is not required but encouraged. You'll never survive meal times without some previous work in an industrial kitchen. Oh, and the customers don't tip.

- Also, be prepared to accept that the customers will say that they don't like what you are cooking before they even try it.

- There are no breaks, lunch hours, or solo bathroom stops. We assure that you will have a bladder of steel by your 6 month review.

- Must accept that you will soon find it ok to leave the house in sweats and no makeup when needed. It will be these times that you will run into an old boyfriend, your nemesis from high school, and the "perfect" mom.

- All the pre-child clothes in your closet that are waiting for you to get back into by 3 months postpartum will need to be removed. We support reality.

- Target has popcorn and Starbucks. It's a combo necessary for your job and sanity. Utilize it.

- Must be ok with the fact that it will be near impossible to get any work done due to the sweetness you live with...

- Must be open to taking leaps of faith, loving fearlessly, and learning to let go of control.

Even on the longest days, I still remind myself that I wasn't qualified for this job. It is all grace.

And it's by far the best job we'll ever pursue.

Hands down :).


Jeni said...

I enjoyed this :) Made me miss seeing you!

Mama D’s Dozen said...


:) :) :)

Clever Blonde -Donna G said...

With God ALL things are possible. He is amazing. Kate just curious do you iron?

Savvy Little Women - Kate said...

That question cracked me up for some reason :). No, I actually don't really iron. I would if it was absolutely necessary, but typically no, I don't. I try to buy wrinkle free and I utilize the "iron" setting on our dryer :).

Marisa said...

Very creative, Kate! :)

jenny said...

Too funny! It is quite the job, isn't it?! Full of lots of 'crazy' and lots of joy! :)

Thoughts for the day said...

Iron setting on a dryer? never heard of that one... this is SO cute. You are really funny and yes the job of being a mommy is incredibly hard and realistically few would sign up if they REALLY knew but oh the blessings they would miss by saying no. You are blessed by so much...take care

cowartclan said...

Ha, Ha!!! I loved this. Sheesh, the questions kids ask. I never know if it is better directed at me (and my breath/outfit) or my munchkins discussing other people's weight, why they are cigaretting, or how stinky the bathroom is... because of COURSE we had to go in and try that bathroom! :)

Savvy Little Women - Kate said...

Haha! Well, not as much an "iron setting" as much as I just feel that the dryer helps with wrinkles...or maybe it's the wrinkle resistant clothes that helps :). Either way, ironing and I aren't friends.

Tabitha M said...

The picture of the socks made me laugh out loud!! Where in the world do those socks go?? Haha

Jen said...

LOVE :) again :)

Stacie@HobbitDoor said...

Love this. Thanks for the smile. The laundry is overwhelming us right now and I have half the household you do. I pretend it's because of work but I think it just is. I'm with you on the ironing. I only own one for my dad to use when he visits once a year!

Thoughts for the day said...

I actually like to iron, for one it helps me to realize how the Lord presses the 'difficult things' out of my life sometimes it feels like hot steam. Also my husband is a design engineer and has to look professional for work. I just put a fan in front of me, a bottle of water beside me for those resistant wrinkles and press away.

Savvy Little Women - Kate said...

Love the way you compare the two - awesome way to look at it! Maybe I should break mine out more often :).

Angela Moore said...

Amen! Love this.