I Don't Deserve It

I rock Lincoln in the middle of the night in the rocker that was handed down to me from my mom, and listen to him eat and make all his little noises. I love the dim light, the peacefulness of the wee morning hours, and the quiet time I get to sit and soak in his newness.

I don't deserve it.

6am rolls around and its time to get back up and start the day. The girls shuffle down the stairs as I pack Ella's lunch and fill sippy cups. The dishes are piled high, the floors need to be mopped, and there are 3 laundry baskets filled with lots of little clothes that need to be washed and folded. Another full day of raising kiddos is under way.

I don't deserve it.

The girls are busy, loud, and full of energy...I have yet to figure out where all that energy comes from and how I could get a dose of it. They wear me out, sometimes push me to my limit, and fill my life with non stop action. The days are full right up till they lay their pretty little heads on their pillows to go to sleep. I'm tired, sometimes the days are long, but I'm thankful, and humbled that this chaos fills my hours.

Because I don't deserve it.

I have had many moments lately when I look at all of them and think, "How will I ever raise them all the way the Lord wants me to? How will I ever succeed at this? Will they look back one day and say I was a strong mother who raised them right? Am I even qualified to do this!?"

But I quickly remember that I don't have to do this mom thing alone, God never asked me to. I can do all things through Him who gives me strength. He will show me the way, and He will light my path.

I don't deserve that either.

He has a plan that's bigger than mine. He see's my strengths, weaknesses, insecurities, and faults. He looks at my heart, my intentions - the good and the bad, and still loves me. He is the only one who truly knows Kate, the real Kate, the Kate who no one else knows. He knows what I can handle and what I can't on this road of motherhood.

He will guide me as I guide them, teach me as I teach them, and love me as I love them.

It humbles me to my core, because again, I don't deserve that.

So tonight at 2am when my eyes are heavy during a feeding, when the girls are running circles around me, when I can't remember if I brushed my teeth or not, when mac and cheese is flying across the table, and when someone says, "wow, you have your hands full!". I will give thanks, because He has blessed me beyond measure with a life that is full of sweet, sweet chaos.

A crazy, busy, loud, but sweet life that I definitely don't deserve.

Makes me want to spend all day squeezing these little gifts that He's entrusted to us :).