Thursday, May 5, 2011

I Don't Deserve It

I rock Lincoln in the middle of the night in the rocker that was handed down to me from my mom, and listen to him eat and make all his little noises. I love the dim light, the peacefulness of the wee morning hours, and the quiet time I get to sit and soak in his newness.

I don't deserve it.

6am rolls around and its time to get back up and start the day. The girls shuffle down the stairs as I pack Ella's lunch and fill sippy cups. The dishes are piled high, the floors need to be mopped, and there are 3 laundry baskets filled with lots of little clothes that need to be washed and folded. Another full day of raising kiddos is under way.

I don't deserve it.

The girls are busy, loud, and full of energy...I have yet to figure out where all that energy comes from and how I could get a dose of it. They wear me out, sometimes push me to my limit, and fill my life with non stop action. The days are full right up till they lay their pretty little heads on their pillows to go to sleep. I'm tired, sometimes the days are long, but I'm thankful, and humbled that this chaos fills my hours.

Because I don't deserve it.

I have had many moments lately when I look at all of them and think, "How will I ever raise them all the way the Lord wants me to? How will I ever succeed at this? Will they look back one day and say I was a strong mother who raised them right? Am I even qualified to do this!?"

But I quickly remember that I don't have to do this mom thing alone, God never asked me to. I can do all things through Him who gives me strength. He will show me the way, and He will light my path.

I don't deserve that either.

He has a plan that's bigger than mine. He see's my strengths, weaknesses, insecurities, and faults. He looks at my heart, my intentions - the good and the bad, and still loves me. He is the only one who truly knows Kate, the real Kate, the Kate who no one else knows. He knows what I can handle and what I can't on this road of motherhood.

He will guide me as I guide them, teach me as I teach them, and love me as I love them.

It humbles me to my core, because again, I don't deserve that.

So tonight at 2am when my eyes are heavy during a feeding, when the girls are running circles around me, when I can't remember if I brushed my teeth or not, when mac and cheese is flying across the table, and when someone says, "wow, you have your hands full!". I will give thanks, because He has blessed me beyond measure with a life that is full of sweet, sweet chaos.

A crazy, busy, loud, but sweet life that I definitely don't deserve.

Makes me want to spend all day squeezing these little gifts that He's entrusted to us :).

14 comments:

Stacie@HobbitDoor said...

Amen. A good reminder. Thanks for sharing! Is it okay that when people tell me I have my hands full that I tell them about you? ;0)

Marinewife1111 {Marcella} said...

Thanks Kate, I definitely needed this perspective tonight!

Sarah said...

LOVE this! Thank you!

Mama D.'s Dozen said...

I have no doubt that you will do a GREAT job of raising all of these young ones up to love and serve the Lord. They are BLESSED to have you as a mama.

The time will fly quickly by. I CANNOT BELIEVE that 3 of my little ones are getting married this year. I cannot be old enough to have 6 children in their 20's.

I was certainly not the perfect mama. I certainly made mistakes ... often. I certainly wanted a "do over" sometimes. But, Our God is bigger than all of that ... and I have 6 young adults who are loving and serving Jesus. Only. By. God's. Grace.

Now ... to raise my next 6. I'm a bit older ... and more tired ... more experienced ... but still making mistakes. God is still bigger, and full of His mercy.

Hope your week is BLESSED!

Laurel :)

Marva said...

Amen sister! We are all so very blessed!

*Ross and Katy* said...

You are VERY blessed, as a matter of fact, we are ALL very blessed and I'm glad you reminded us of that fact :)

(and I'm giving away some hairbows on my blog if you want to enter-you know...in all of that FREE time you have! ha!)

julia said...

I could not have said it better. Unfortunately, I have to constantly remind myself of how undeserving and blessed I am.

Laura said...

just perfectly said and what I needed to hear today!

Amber said...

so, so true! motherhood is such a gift!

The Sneaky Mommy said...

Wish we were neighbors so we could just send a cheerful, encouraging thumbs up back and forth! I love that while others see children as a "handful", God gives us the site of blessings!

Ruth said...

This is beautiful. And sweet, and true, and honest, and good. THANK YOU! (And I'm so glad God doesn't make us do this motherhood thing alone. 'Cause there's just NO WAY!)

Mrs. Townsend said...

Kate! The good news is that YOU DESERVE all of this and more. God loves his children, you are a valiant spirit, you have made a conscious choice to follow Him. God trusts you with His children, He wants you to be happy just the same way you want your children to be happy.

The good news is that God is the perfect example of perfect parenting. When your children have a great moment in life you would never remind them that "They don't deserve it". Remember that God celebrates with us. He is so proud of you! To God you are the apple of his eye! He cheers for you! I cheer for you!

You are a great example! I love your perspective, I thrive on being reminded about the little things that give us joy. Kate...Thank you so much. You deserve everything and God wants you to have because of your valiant efforts to follow Him.

becky said...

What a beautiful post, Kate! I must disagree a little, though. You are such a wonderful mother, friend, wife, sister, and daughter. You DO deserve all of your many blessings!

So glad you're enjoying all that late-night time with your little man. What a sweetie pie he is!

Sarah said...

What a great post. I love it!