A List...

Because lists are fun.

And efficient.

And great when you can't form full thoughts. Yes?

- So we've been hanging out here and pulling out more Christmas stuff. The more lights in the house, the better in my opinion. Makes me feel warm and cheerful and like warming up some hot cocoa.

- Lincoln has started closing his eyes when I tell him "No". I think maybe he thinks he disappears or that I can't see him? Either way, its cracking me up while I'm trying to discipline. Little stinker :).

- I am currently hooked on the show Nashville. I actually have started downloading the music from it, and the song "For Your Glory" is so great. Worth your download.

- I appreciate that lots of you are doing Elf On The Shelf, but the pics on the social networking sites are a little over the top, yes? Besides, I have trouble remembering to be the tooth fairy, so I'm pretty sure I wouldn't remember to stage a pillow fight or such for a mischievous elf.

Not to mention that I don't like puppet-ish things, so he freaks me out a little.

- We got matched with a Foster Care worker and she came over last night. So we are officially on the "vacancy list" for a child :). Woohoo!

Although I may have mentioned before that I like a plan and to know whats coming? Yea, not so much a characteristic of the ol' foster care system.

So we wait.

Pray for me. And my patience. And pray for those who live with me while I work on my patience.

- I want to order this from RedLetterWords for the older girls room. Isn't it so great??

  Love that.

- Today the girls were playing "I spy" and it went something like this...

"I spy somethiiiiiing grey."
"Mom's hair!"

Nice. I may go to bed at 9pm these days, and my bladder will never be the same after that last c-section, but the grey hair hasn't shown up yet! Cut me some slack!

- Those girls make me laugh. And smile. Love them.

So that's about all for now. I know, super interesting :).

Hope you all are having a great week!

Here We Go

Kinda.

We got a call last week, the same day we caught wind that our license was back, for a respite (meaning he will only be with us for a short time) placement this weekend. And we said, "Uh, sure!"

We haven't even been matched with our Foster Care Worker yet, so this was unexpected. But like I've mentioned before, we have an amazing Case Worker who has walked with us through this, and she has assured us that she will be on the lookout for placements for us till we get matched. Does this all sound like a different language? I'm sorry, stay with me, friends :).

So today, 4yr old "A" will join our crew for a bit. I wish I give you every little detail, it's SO hard for me not to, but I can't. Just do me a favor and go squeeze your babies, because there is a whole lot of ugly going on out there and innocent children are stuck in the middle of it.

Grace, friends. It's all grace that we have the healthy families we do. I will never be able to say that enough.

Someday (soon) we will get that call for a "permanent" placement, but today and for the few days ahead, God is needing us to love on this little guy. And believe me, spoiling from the older sisters flows like wine in this house, so I think he will like it here :).

We would love your prayers as we walk through this first placement with the kiddos. Ideally, I'd love a smooth and easy transition into this journey, especially for the kids.

But just like motherhood in general, I don't think much of this journey is going to be real easy :).

It's one thing to say "we'll take all kids ages 0-5", it's a whole other thing to actually sit and listen to your caseworker tell you what that child is coming from, and what you'll be dealing with. It's hard for me to swallow because he knows what is happening, and he remembers what happened. The mother in me just wants to step in, scoop him up, and move him in. But I can't.

Deep breath in, long exhale out, right?

Again, go squeeze your kids...and your man. It's all grace.

So, here we go. We're going to get our feet wet in this whole journey He has laid out before us. We are ready, and we are super excited to embrace this little guy for the short time God has him with us.

Thanks for your prayers!

It's Official!

We had a fun Thanksgiving weekend. We put the tree up, and filled the house with Christmas decor and cinnamon candles...and got a great call from our case worker.

This is a picture of Kinley from last year by the tree (a tree that had clearly been vandalized by the children), it still cracks me up...

Because what is funnier than crazy curls and underwear in front of the Christmas tree?? :)

But anyway.

I'm so grateful for these people in my home...I just love long weekends and simple days with them. And we are soaking up our normal life before our new normal starts to take over, which could be any day now because we got our license back from the state!! We are officially Foster (to Adopt) Parents!

Woohoo! We made it! High fives all around!

He has been so faithful to us through this process, and kept confirming our steps even in the face of doubt. We are so, so thankful for His plan. We are excited, and nervous, and about 100 other emotions. We spent a lot of time talking about it with the older kids this weekend...they have so many questions now that we could take a child at any time.

For some reason it all seems so REAL now.

So we are preparing for the unknown, but trusting an all knowing God. And that gives me so much comfort and peace about the future. And by "future" I mean "near future" :).

We'd love any prayers as our family makes this transition to being on call at any moment, and as we (blindly)  prepare for what is to come.

Anyway, that's what we've been up to. Hope you all had such a great Thanksgiving weekend!!

Keep Praying, And Keep Preparing

Well, we're rounding out another week here. It's been a good one, full of activities and playing with the kids. The weather is so great right now, not too cold. It's just right. Does anyone else love the smell of the Fall/Winter air?? I absolutely love it! I also love hoodies on my sweeties...

Look at that one little curl sticking out there :).

I've been doing a little organizing around the house as well. I sort of went on a cleaning spree...it's like I'm nesting or something. The problem is, I don't know if I'll be nesting for a few weeks, or for a few months, or more. There is no due date this time around.

The other problem is that I really like a plan and control, so I'd prefer to know the exact time frame of this season. But He would prefer that I just listen and trust.

Keep praying, and  keep preparing....keep praying, and keep preparing...I can do this.

I've felt like I need to keep some kind of order around here because our case worker tends to drop by at a moments notice. As in I'm in my pj's, and the kitchen isn't cleaned up from breakfast yet, and then "surprise!" she's here!

We really do love her though. I feel this bond to her because she is such a big part of our new chapter, it's like she's family.

I keep praying for the kids that He's preparing for us and for the bio parents that we will be involved with. I'm asking for strength and compassion a midst a possible ugly situation. I'm praying for constant reminders of how it could be me, or anyone one of us standing in their shoes, its only by grace that its not.

It is ONLY grace that we live in this nice little community, with nice neighbors, and nice schools, and a nice little life. It is grace that we are healthy and thriving instead of chained to things that will ruin our lives. So as much as I want to be so angry at these parents, and believe me, I WILL BE at times, there is also just a lot of sadness when you realize a mothers life is so broken that she can't even take care of her child.

It's kind of like the saying, "There but for the grace of God, go I,"

Grace and redemption. That is what this is all about. That is really what life is all about.

If you can't tell already, my heart is still a tad raw from all of this. I find myself driving along and praying about life with tears running down my face. Which is either God working on my heart, total fear, or a hormonal imbalance. It's likely to be all three, people.

We just have so much.

I guess that's what has been really turning inside of me lately. We have been spending so much time learning and preparing to deal with a whole lot of brokenness, and it kind of makes you realize how put together your simple life really is.

We don't have crazy shopping sprees or extravagant vacations, but we have a whole lot of love and stability inside these walls...and that is really all that matters at the end of the day. So I've been trying to really question myself when I say we "need" something. Because really, we don't have a ton of needs, only wants. We are already rich in all the important areas.

He is showing me that we are full to the brim where it counts. This humble life is the dream. It's here for us to embrace, every crazy moment of it...

And so today I sit and look at that picture and think, "Yep, I think there's room for more."

We know we can't reach every child in our overflowing county. But even if He only let's us reach 1...rescue 1...embrace 1...give hope to 1 family, then it will be worth all the ups and downs of a broken system.

Praying, and preparing. That's all we can do right now :).

Jealous For Me

He is jealous for me.

I love that song (How He Loves Us), I've been listening to it non stop lately. I'm sure it's clear around these parts that my time to post often like I used to has passed. I want to, but the kids, and the house, and every other detail of our life is keeping me running every single minute. Maybe some weeks will come with five little stories of what we're up to, and some will come with just one.

I like to keep things exciting like that. I'm such a game changer.

(sarcasm, laughter...they are my friends)

But all I can say today is that my heart is clinging to the Lord amidst the ever changing story that is our foster to adopt process. Nothing big has changed, except the fact that our close friends and family have received our reference papers which means that THEY ARE PROCESSING US. Yay!! That little bit of info made me smile.

I've been feeling pulled out of the typical things of my normal day to day existence that tend to make my thinking foggy. I love my laptop, but you know, sometimes you need a breather from the opinion of everyone else on the planet. Because my mind and my heart are only able to process 2 things right now: My family, and my future family.

It's hard to explain, so please bear with me if you've never walked this path. I had to take some things down by our visitation building the other day, and the drive and the scene always stings a little. An area that I used to always avoid at all costs is now a place that hits close to home. Believe me, I know there are worse places in the world to live. I have friends that have adopted out of third world countries, and I know there are other cities worse than the worst streets in our town. But it still hurts to know that she's out there...he's out there...they are out there.

And even though they won't be ours right away, I still have this huge desire to see them, and squeeze them, and love them fearlessly. No matter what the outcome.

Alone and abandoned, or abused and hungry, or growing in a womb that is filled with harm. The list goes on. You may not even want to know some of the things that are happening mere miles from your home. This broken world can be a scary place.

Yesterday I was out running errands and picking some things up at Babies R Us. And yes, I am that woman that goes in there for sippy cups, and comes out wanting another baby. I'm a fool for Johnson's baby soap and newborn diapers. Even the nursing and pumping stuff makes me miss my newborns.

Clearly, I should be on medicine.

Anyway.

There was this blanket that I have wanted for so long that would just keep a new little one SO warm. It doesn't even have to be a baby, a toddler would just snuggle right into it as well. So I picked it up and added it to my cart only to circle back around and put it back. I kept telling myself that I was getting to attached to this feeling in my heart and that I was bordering crazy since I was picking things out for a child I haven't met...and may not keep.

You may have picked up on this, but I am one of those gals who loves the pregnancy thing. I do. The anticipation, the round belly, the feeling of grace literally growing inside of me, it all just overwhelms this girl. But here I am, picking things out, and feeling that same love for a child I'm not carrying for 9 months...a child I don't even know yet. There is this desire inside of me that wants to hold them just as badly as I wanted to hold our biological kids when the doctor delivered them.

That is a God thing going on in my heart.

When I got in the car and started driving I realized, this is God preparing me. This feeling, this aching in my heart is Him rearranging things and making room for me to love beyond what I thought I could. It's Him.

It has taken a situation that is so far out of my realm of comfort to remind me that He is jealous for me. If you aren't totally dependent on Him, He'll gently stir the pot and hand you a situation so you see what you really need to focus on...Him.

I spend SO much time on things that don't matter, friends. I find my worth in the world and what the TV says and what I "should" be doing and from status's on Facebook. I always have to remind myself of what is true. The GREAT news is that He doesn't want you trying to live someone else's story, He wants you to live yours.

I am in a season where I have to silence all outside noise and focus on His plan and His story for us. Because if I look away, I am sure to miss something. He is jealous of my time, of what my heart chases after, and what I let myself be consumed with. And I am really seeing that now so clearly. Thankful that we are loved so much, and praying that we can share even a glimpse of that love with the new little loves He brings through our front door.

But for now, I will wait. And I'll pray for us...and for her...and for him...and for them. Whoever they are. Whoever He's preparing for us.

Happy Monday, friends. Thanks for sticking around for the ramblings :).

We're Ready

I really think we are.

Right after Lincoln was born I said I'd never add another child to our family. Eventually that new baby-no sleeping-what has happened to my body-will I ever shower again-stage wore off and I returned to normal life.

But still, that distant memory of foster care and adoption that we had laid to rest was still just that, a distant memory. But as you know, God has brought that desire back to life. Last night we officially made Lincolns room roommate ready :)...

I never thought I'd see 2 cribs in one room again. I mean it friends, I stood and stared for a moment. Feels so crazy, yet so normal!

We have been so busy with details and meetings and paperwork that I have had little time to just think about everything. I put the sheet on and got out some blankets and remembered that this most likely will be a bumpy journey. I felt joy as I thought of wrapping and rocking a new addition to our family, and my heart ached a tad as I thought of the potential not so warm and fuzzy outcomes that come along with this calling.

Deep breath in. Just do the next thing, right? One day at a time :).

We are licensed to take 0-18, but for obvious reasons will only be taking children in the 0-5 age group right now - which means that Kinley and Raya will also be up for a new roommate and will be getting bunk beds just like their older sisters. The new bunk bed is still in the works, but the girls are always open to rearranging furniture so that should be easy. Our older 3 are in a room, and the younger 2 girls are together, it's like a permanent slumber party...

What is that you say? That's a lot of pink? Yea, I know.

Rooms are changing, hearts are anxiously awaiting, and God seems to making room for more. Not everyone will understand all of this, but that's ok. We honestly don't understand it sometimes. But God gets it, and that is the only thing our little family needs :).

Wonder who He will put in that crib (or bed). A boy? A girl? I'm sure we will see both come and go - hopefully one will be able to stay down the road.

So.

Sorry for the rambling. Today our caseworker comes for the final walk through of our house, and I tend to ramble when I'm stressed or nervous. We are SO excited to be at this point, but as expected, we're also a tad anxious. If you can, could you pray for peace today as we close this part of the process? I know all is fine, but I'm still a tad on edge :). Thanks, friends.

Feeling so very thankful for His blessings and this journey that He's unfolding. Praying that He is always glorified through this process, and that we cling to His plan and His vision, not ours. That may be hard to do sometimes so feel free to remind me, ok??


Well, I'm off for now. Happy Friday, all!

An Invitation

She sat down at the table during nap time and said, "you ready for all this, honey?"

I sat down with our sweet, sweet caseworker and buckled in for the extensive and personal questions that she had in store. It was painless for the most part.

We have been insanely blessed by this woman. She hugs us tight proving that she does care about us and our journey, and she talks of how God does great things through foster care and adoption.

She loves the kids, we love the kids, but more importantly, Jesus really loves these kids. Children that He knit together in possibly an unhealthy womb. Children that have the same need for love and family that my kids and your kids have.

The past week or so as our training and home studies have been coming to an end, fear creeps in. I'm excited yet nervous of the unknowns, even though I know He has the highs and lows planned perfectly.

But at that table as I signed papers and confirmed details, I realized something.

Right there on our weathered kitchen table, where we gather our comfy little family and enjoy meals together, was an invitation.

An invitation from Him to step out, to take courage, and to fix my eyes on Him as He continues to lead us. An invitation to trust in the unknowns, to truly believe, and to hold tightly to the the One who writes our story.

An invitation to move without fear.

It's an invitation to love.

Being able to soon wrap my arms around a child who has no family is all grace. Deciding that there is room for more in this humble home and in our simple life is all His leading. Children are gifts. It's that simple.

We had an At-Home-Date-Night tonight, its usually how we do all our date nights these days :). But I am finally thankful for that after spending so much time envying the couples that could go out so often.

Our full house that keeps us "tied down" is our greatest blessing. I'm thankful for His invite, the one He extends to all of us with specific plans for each specific family.

He guides our steps - sometimes you just have to pick up His invitation, trust, and hold on tight.

The Next Chapter

Life is comfortable. Life is blessed. And He has shown us much grace as He has carried us through the highs and lows of parenthood.

Years back as Eric and I would talk back and forth about our family and what we predicted it to look like, adoption was just a passing topic. It was something we would talk about, but we never moved forward with.

But then, without telling a soul, we went ahead and started into our foster to adopt paperwork right before little Lincoln burrowed himself into my belly.

And a sweet detour was born :).

We settled in as a family of 8 and breathed in all that newborn baby boy goodness. Life seemed normal and our routine seemed in place when the topic came up again. Foster Care. Adoption. Really?

We talked and prayed and waited.

And then on a whim this Summer, we met up with some friends in Tennessee where we were able to get some insight and answers from a family just like us. After talking and laughing and sharing joys and fears about our already crazy (but grace filled) life, it all started to become clearer. It was time to move forward.

(On a side note, would you mind lifting them up in prayer? They have been through a month of heartache and I'd love for you to pray for peace and healing.)

There are almost 1000 children in our county alone who have no permanent home, no belongings, and no voice.

But we have a voice, and we're ready to use it.

"Learn to do good. Seek justice. Help the oppressed. Defend the cause of the orphans. Fight for rights of widows." Isaiah 1:17

I read that truth, but I'm scared.

But not as scared as a child who has been pulled from their home, and not as scared as a baby laying in the hospital with no mother to hold them against her chest and rock them.

I cry when I think of it. In fact, if you're planning on talking to me in person about it right now, you may want to bring some tissues.

My heart. It's literally aching for these orphans.

I'm emotional as God continues to reveal this new chapter in our life. I'm broken as He opens my eyes to how my ordinary life is actually pretty extraordinary. And I'm embarrassed at how so many of my mountains are actually molehills.

Are we ready to give back a child that we have fallen in love with because the court orders us to? No. Will that be really, really hard? Yes. And are we clinging to the hope that sooner rather than later, we'll meet the babe that is supposed to be with our family forever? Completely.

But that's all part of the journey of foster care. And just knowing that God is already in the tiniest details of our journey gives me peace to take the next step.

He knows who is supposed to be in our home, and He knows that every time I do my kid count in the store, or at the park, or just to make my babes laugh, that I always feel in my heart that there could be more - that someone is missing.

There's more to the puzzle, and more to the story. And because of that, we're already well into the process of being able to foster to adopt.

Do we know exactly what this is all going to look like? Or how it will all play out? Or if there will be a handful of downs before there is an up? No. But I really hope that you will pray for us if you feel led, and I'd love for you to join us for the journey that lays in front of us. We're going to need you.

So here's to a new chapter. And here's to His plan, His story, and His vision for our little family.